Genealogy Humor

CHRISTMAS CAROLS
As Interpreted By Kids!

A teacher in Atlanta asked her students to write the words to their favorite Holiday/Christmas Carols; here are some of the humorous lines she received:
• Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly 

• De three kings of porridge and tar 

• On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me 

• Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire. 

• He's makin a list, chicken and rice. 

• Noel, Noel, Barney's the king of Israel. 

• With the jelly toast proclaim 

• Olive, the other reindeer. (all of the other reindeer) 

• Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say 

• Sleep in heavenly peas 

• In the meadow we can build a snowman, Then pretend that he is sparse and brown 

• You'll go down in listerine 

• Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay 

• O come, froggy faithful

Most everyone is familiar with the song "The Twelve Days of Christmas," but I wonder how many know what the different gifts have to do with Christmas. Here is what I found about the song. Hope you enjoy learning about it. I know you are going to be humming this (annoying???) song now... I will see if I can find the history behind other Christmas carols.

The Twelve Days of Christmas

There is one Christmas Carol that has always baffled me. What in the world do leaping lords, French hens, swimming swans, and especially the partridge who won't come out of the pear tree have to do with Christmas? This week, I found out.

From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics. It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality, which the children could remember.
--The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.
--Two turtledoves were the Old and New Testaments.
--Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.
--The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John.
--The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.
--The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.
--Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit--Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.
--The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
--Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit--Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control.
--The ten lords a-leaping were the Ten Commandments.
--The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.
--The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.

So there is your history for today. This knowledge was shared with me and I found it interesting and enlightening and now I know how that strange song became a Christmas Carol... so pass it on if you wish.'

See also: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Twelve_Days_of_Christmas_(song)

For some humor related to the song check out this site:
http://myfox8.com/2012/11/26/all-items-in-12-days-of-christmas-now-...

Dear Patricia Ann Scoggin Excellent! Thanks for bringing that up. I have always wondered what they meant. I wonder no more now.

Cheers!

This is one simple media file on youtube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQEOBZLx-Z8

I know this is supposed to be a humor discussion, but I like to share info also. Soooooo, here is some info on Christmas Carols & how they have become a part of our Christmas traditions. Over the next few days I will be including the history of 17 different Christmas songs from the site below including the composer, if known. I found it really interesting & I hope you will also. Who knows, you may even be related to one of the writers of these songs...

If anyone wants to include info (or humor) about Christmas songs please feel free to add your contribution.

Christmas Carols—Their Story
http://www.sharefaith.com/guide/Christian-Holidays/holiday-songs/in...

How Christmas Carols Have Become Part of Our Christmas Traditions

The birth of Jesus was celebrated by music: “And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” (Luke 2:13-14).

Christians of the 1st century continued the tradition of the angels. There are historical records from as early as 129 AD of songs written specifically for Christmas celebrations. These Christmas songs were primarily written in Latin, and were not called Carols, but hymns.

The word carol comes from the French word carole, meaning circle dance, or song of praise and joy. The singing of carols did not originate with Christianity, but with the pagan practice of celebrating the seasons. The Winter Solstice celebration generally took place around the 22nd of December. It was this time of the year that the Christians claimed for their own celebration of the birth of Christ. Interestingly, although the pagan celebrations took place during all four seasons, only the winter celebration has survived - not as a pagan celebration of season; but as the Christian celebration of Christmas.

The majority of the first Christmas Carols were written in Latin, which only the churched few members of the elite understood. Because of this, by the Middle Ages (the 1200s) the majority of Christians lost interest in the singing of Christmas Carols.

In 1223, the beloved St. Francis of Assisi revived an interest in Christmas and in the singing of Carols. He started putting on musical plays in which the majority of the songs were written in the language of the common people. Because of his efforts, the singing of Christmas Carols once again began to spread throughout Europe. Most of these new Carols were not based strictly on Scripture, but were simply light-hearted stories, sung by traveling minstrels and changed from town to town to fit the desires of various communities. These Carols were rarely sung in church. Instead, the music resounded from the streets, and in the homes.

Because the Carols were not strictly Scriptural, and not written in Latin, there were those who considered them inappropriate. With the coming of the Puritans to England in 1647, the celebration of Christmas and the singing of Carols disappeared from church services altogether. The joy of Christmas and its music however, survived in secret.

During the Great Reformation (beginning in 1570), there was a revival of hymns, including the singing of Christmas Carols in the language of the people. And although it would be many years before the Christmas Carol would come into its own, new freedoms were coming to the common people, including the right to worship as they chose, and to sing music how, when and where they pleased. (See: History of Hymns for more information on this era.)

During the Victorian era (1837-1901), two men by the names of William Sandys and Davis Gilbert published a collection of Christmas songs, old and new from various villages in England. Thus, the singing of Christmas Carols was revived. People began singing on the streets, in homes, in churches, for money and for free. The tradition of 'Carolling' from home to home was born, along with the giving of alms (money, food, wassail, gifts) to the singers. In honour of the angel’s announcement to the shepherds and of the star leading the wise men, the custom of lighting candles while singing on Christmas Eve was instituted. This custom remains popular today and is often referred to as the Candlelight Service.

The joy of music filled England once again, and spread throughout Europe (and eventually to the New World). Old and new traditions of Christmas trees and holly wreaths; presents and stockings were freely celebrated, and elaborated upon. The sounds and sights of Christmas; the rejoicing and the peace announced by the angels; the music of Christmas had refused to be silenced!

The songs that were once quieted because of fear and ignorance now sound out freely throughout much of the world, not only from Christian homes and churches, but also from elevators and skate parks and shopping mall sound systems. Even unbelievers enjoy the music and the sights, the lights and the trees. And although many of the traditions may have lost some of their original meaning, and in spite of the actual Saint Nicholas evolvement into a jolly ol' elf, even the skeptics cannot deny the spirit of giving that prevails. Most everyone knows that Christmas time is somehow different from all the other seasons. No matter what style of music a person may choose to enjoy the rest of the year, the traditional Christmas Carol breaks through the musical preferences and barriers, to be universally recognized as the most beloved music of all people; of all times.

Here are 2 songs from the above site.

Angels From the Realms of Glory
• Composer James Montgomery Writes: Angels from the Realms of Glory
James Montgomery (1771-1854) was just six years old when heard of the death of both his parents who had been in Barbados on a missionary trip. He spent the remainder of his childhood being raised within the school system in Ireland, where he did not excel academically. As a teenager, James was placed in an apprenticeship position to a Baker. He grew frustrated with that position and so ran away to Sheffield, England. There he took on various jobs to support himself, while trying to find his niche.

In his early 20s, James was hired to work for a politically active newspaper, the Sheffield Register. James found that he loved to write, and that he was good at it. When the owner of the paper had to flee the country in order to avoid imprisonment, James purchased the newspaper, after which he himself was imprisoned twice for political articles that did not sit well with the governing authorities.

Throughout all his ups and downs, James remained a devout Christian. He remembered well the lessons taught to him by his missionary parents. He chose to follow in their footsteps and to champion the cause of Christ. His newspaper was his pulpit to speak out against social and moral injustice. And in that same paper he published his original hymns of praise. Angels From the Realms of Glory appeared in print on Christmas Eve, 1816.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Away in a Manger
• Martin Luther May Have Authored Away in a Manger
Most current publications of Away in a Manger indicate that the writer of the first two stanzas is unknown. Others name Martin Luther as the author. The song was first published in an 1885 Lutheran Sunday School book compiled by James R. Murray (1841-1905), who gave the song a subtitle of Luther's Cradle Hymn. The third verse was written by John T. McFarland in 1904.

The beloved children's Christmas Carol is generally sung to one of two melodies. In the U.S. the most popular tune is Mueller, while the United Kingdom prefers the melody of Cradle Song.

Whatever the refrain, whichever of the variations (see below), and/or whomever is the true composer, there can be no doubt that this sweet song is a favorite of children and adults alike.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a lot of info on James Montgomery when I entered his name & date--had a hard time finding family info about him. Did find his father's name was John who died in Barbados... just in case someone can claim him as an ancestor.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGb_F57Ee2E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnVorT14i4I

Found a lot more info on Away in the Manger when I searched for more info on it...

re: James Montgomery ... it seems he'd only be a relative of some folks; as an unmarried, seemingly devout, son of a preacher, he likely has no direct descendants: one good source: http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Montgomery,_James_(1771-1854)_(DNB00)
Does not yet appear to be on Geni!

Here are 2 more songs and sites to listen to them if you want a reminder of the words/song.

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
• The Composer of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen is Unknown

The composer of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen is unknown. There is record of it being sung within the Christian Church since the 15th century. The hymn was first put into print for the general public when William B. Sandy included a version of it in his publication Christmas Carols Ancient and Modern (1833). It was subsequently added to various hymnals and carol books. In 1843 Charles Dickens included the song in his famous novel A Christmas Carol. Everybody's favorite villian, Ebenezer Scrooge showed a depth of his sad self in this paragraph from Dicken's classic:
“...at the first sound of 'God bless you merry, gentlemen, May nothing you dismay!" Scrooge seized the ruler with such energy of action that the singer fled in terror, leaving the keyhole to the fog and even more congenial frost.
Several different versions of the song have emerged over the years.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlfHyb397VY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NM57M6NwJvw&index=4&list=PL...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good King Wenceslas
• Composer John Mason Neale Writes: Good King Wenceslas

John M. Neale (1818-1866) was most well-known for his adaption of medieval hymns, many of which are no longer sung in most settings today. Two of his original songs however, have endured with great popularity: O Come, O Come Emmanuel and Good King Wenceslas.
Neale based the lyrics of Good King Wenceslas on the life of a famed 10th century king of Bohemia. Catholic King Wenceslas (907-935) was revered as a very kind and generous ruler. He was assassinated by his brother, and considered a martyr for his faith. Neale put music to a legend regarding the king giving alms to the poor on the Feast of Stephen (December 26th). Although the song does not refer to a particular Christmas event, because it is written about the day after Christmas, and about a man who showed Christ's love to the poor, it is considered a Christmas song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5E8CXQwtrg
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not from a gravestone but an obituary well done

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- And maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health (common sense) began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
-Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate;
-teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch;
-a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became
businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death,
-by his parents, Truth and Trust,
-by his wife, Discretion,
-by his daughter, Responsibility,
-and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers;
- I Know My Rights
- I Want It Now
- Someone Else Is To Blame
- I'm A Victim
- Pay me for Doing Nothing
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Funny or not, but I think that black humour is interesting somehow.

Sweden, The tragedy of family bonds (familjeband)

The first thing to remember regarding swedes, is that the only relatives of any importance are their mothers and grandmothers. Any other relatives are only important if, they have a lot of money or if they are celebrities and in both cases gives them something of high value.

In a statistical viewpoint, half of every marriage ends up in divorce,
so the basic rule is that the term of "biological father" doesn't mean anything as anyone could take over this role known by the popular terms of "imagine father" and or "plastic father".

When it comes to sibblings, they are something that swedes will grow away from the older they get, at the age of max 60, they are all totally strangers even to their own children. When it come to cousins, very few will know more than the names of the richest or the most sucessfull ones, that means one or two names at the most, all the others are complete strangers that they never even have heard the names of.

The majority of all swedes are not in any case interested of their ancestry, unless they know for certaine that they have a King or Queen very near related to them, which mean that 99% of the population are cut out of that range.

At the other hand, when it comes to heritage from a closely rich relative, 99% transformes quickly into cunning lopeholes advocates, as if they had never done anything else in their hole lives.

Due to the high rate of splitted families, the most valuable items and estates, will end up in the hand of none bloodrelated strangers in the vast majority of legacy case, but it doesn't matter to the losers as they will defend it just saying ; they didn't have any good relations anyway!

Colleen, I love your "obituary" for Common Sense!!! It is sooooooo true!!! I wonder when or if we humans will learn what we have lost with his passing!

Ulf, you present an interesting perspective. I have Swedish great grandparents who had died before I was even a twinkle in my dad's eyes. They were the first generation to live in America, coming here in the late 1870's & early 1880's. It will be interesting to see what I am able to find on their parents. Maybe I am taking your contribution more seriously than I should... I tend to do that sometimes. I haven't worked on this branch since putting them in Geni a number of years ago... Hummmm, maybe I need to work on this branch to see what I can find...

Thanks to both of you for your contributions. I enjoy reading comments & what others contribute!!!

Thanks, don't take it too serious, it was a generalization and there is always exception that not have these problems, like immigrants e.g...

Small thoughts

Genealogy dilemma
One documented sin erases 99 good unwritten deeds and becomes the single facts of that person's life for future generations to see.

Judgement
Who besides a real narcissist would write down positive testimonials
about themselves for all to see?

Profile pictures?

Where did he got it from, you say?
http://www.geni.com/path/Walt-Disney+is+related+to+Hendrik-IV-duke-...

Worlds first smiley?
Tord dy Jönsson

Jasons 13th Grandfather...
Gunnar Arnbjørnsson Bolt

Almost 600 years before M.C. Escher
Johannes Skave

A house and a tree, still the most common motive amongst schoolchildren
Violante de Cabrera

Nietzsche, God is dead!
Hrærekur "sløngvandbaugi" Haraldsson

Picassos GGGGGF
Vratislaus I, duke of Bohemia

Simon says
Robert II, King of Scots

Who's afraid of the big bad
Krog Olsson

When men quit complaining about intermarriage between cousins...
Nest verch Cadell, {Fictitious}

Gone fishing!
Guigues II d'Albon, "Pinguis"

The only reason everyone really loved you
Ingemar Ragvaldsson

A knight coming towards you, raises his shield and you die laughing,
because he has the latest ultimate psychological weapon !!!
Albrecht Eberhardsen Moltke, til Westenbrügge

At birth we board a train and meet our parents. We believe they will always travel by our side. However, at some station, our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone.
As time goes by, other people will board the train, and they will be significant - siblings, friends, the love of your life, children, and many others. Some will step down and leave a permanent vacuum. Others will go so unnoticed that we won't realize they vacated their seats.
The train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, good-byes, and farewells. A successful ride requires having a good relationship with all passengers. We must give the best of ourselves.
The mystery to everyone is, we do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are. It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.
I wish you a joyful journey on the train of life. Reap success and give lots of love.
Lastly, I thank you for being one of the passengers on my train.

Thoughtful reading Colleen. I hope i can stay on the train as long as possible, even if it sometimes feel that I'm hanging on the outside on the last wagons door. A months before my dad died, he guessed that he had at least 10 more years to live, and I will forever regret that I didn't took him on the tripp to Öland, as he wished that last summer he lived.

Ulf, those were some very interesting pix chosen for Geni profiles!!! I had to chuckle at some of them.

Colleen, thanks for the reminder that we are all on the train of life. It puts things in perspective. Ulf, I think we all have regrets from time to time when it comes to those in our lives. Sometimes it is something we did or didn't do or said or didn't say. Hopefully we learn from the experience & don't repeat it.

On a lighter note:

Right & Left…

Two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do!!! If everyone tries to do the right thing and they don't get left out, right? But I feel all left with the right choices will do the right thing, when left to right person! right? Or has everyone left?
Hmmmm...

Entering Heaven on Christmas Eve…

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
 


The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."
 


The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's glasses. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
 


The man replied, "They're Carol's."

There is a name in Estonia "Kulla Naaber" that should mean something like "Dear Neighbour"

Maybe it mean gold neighbour.

Riddle
This is a land without borders.

Where anything can happen.

There is no rules.

Sometimes haunted.

Made of you.

What am I?

With Christmas rapidly approaching, you may be stuck on what to get the man in your life. Well here are some suggestions.

Gifts For Him

1. If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why. 


2. If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the- way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" No one knows why. 


3. When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. Again, no one knows why. 


4. Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts. 


5. You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips. 


6. Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer. 


7. Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy. 


8. Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why. 


9. Never buy a man anything that says: "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. 


10. Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sears' Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks." 


11. Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?" 


12. Tickets to a Patriots game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why. 


13. Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain- saw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker. 


14. It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why. 


15. Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.

Looking at your post Christmas Carols by children - my grandchildren sing "on the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me - a kookaburra in a gum tree"

Colleen, do they live in Australia??? (I associate both the kookaburra & gum tree with Australia.)

Speaking of the 12 Days of Christmas song, I just found this and some of you may be able to identify with some of the sentiments in it. I hope you at least will chuckle a few times as you read thru or sing it...

The 12 Nights of Christmas; for the Scrooge in Thee

Submitted by Ed Contreras & Liz Rodriguez



Chorus: The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me Is 

ONE: Finding a Christmas tree. 


TWO
The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is my
 [Husband]: Rigging up the lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.



THREE
The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
[Inebriated man]: Hangovers,

2: Rigging up the lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.

FOUR
The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
[Frustrated man]: Sending Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.

FIVE
The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: Sending Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.

SIX
The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
[Frustrated wife]: Facing my in-laws,
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: Oh, I hate those Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up these lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.

SEVEN
The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
[Angry man]: The Salvation Army,

6: Facing my in-laws,
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: Sending Christmas cards,
3: Oh, Jeez!
2: I'm trying to rig up these lights!
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.




EIGHT
The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: [Loud kid]: I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!
7: Charities

6: And what do you mean, "your in-laws"?!?
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: Oh, making out these cards,
3: Edith, get me a beer, huh?
2: What? We have no extension cords?!?

Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.



NINE
The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
[Another frustrated man]: No parking spaces,
8: DADDY, I WANT SOME
CANDY!!

7: Donations!
6: Facing my in-laws,
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: Writing out those Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Now why the hell are they blinking?!?
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.

TEN
The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: [Toy-commercial voice]: "Batteries not included",
9: No parking spaces,
8: BUY ME SOMETHIN'!!!!

7: Get a job, ya bum!!!
6: (sobbing) Oh, facing my in-laws,
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: Yo, ho! Sending Christmas cards,
3: Oh, Jeez, look at this!
2: One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.

ELEVEN

The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: [TV Critic]: Stale TV specials,

10: "Batteries not included",
9: No parking spaces,
8: I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!
7: Charities!!
6: (sobbing) She's a witch! I hate her!
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people!
3: Oh, who's got the toilet paper?
2: Get a flashlight!! I blew a fuse!!!
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.



TWELVE
The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: [A few guys]: Singing Christmas Carols,
11: Stale TV specials,
10: "Batteries not included",
9: No parking?
8: WAAAAAAH!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

7: Charities!
6: Gotta make 'em dinner!
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: I'm not sending them this year, that's it!
3: Shut up, you!

2: FINE!! If you're so smart, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!!!

Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.

Happy Holidays....

Watch "Kassen Symphonie":

http://biggeekdad.com/2014/12/grocery-store-jingle-bells/#at_pco=sm...

Norm, that was fantastic!!! Wonder how long it took them to put it together & had to practice to get it right. I hope other watch it also!

Three WISE WOMEN
Top Ten Things
Three Wise Women Would Have Done:

10. They would have stopped at an oasis to ask for directions.
9. They would have arrived in time to assist with the delivery.
8. They would have kicked out the cows and swept out the stable.
7. They would have brought practical gifts for the baby—forget the frankincense and myrrh crap.
6. They would have whipped up a fabulous meal for everyone.
5. They would have shushed the angels’ singing so the new mommy could rest.
4. They would have put up curtains to keep out the light of that bright “Star”.
3. They would have made that noisy drummer boy go outside to play.
2. They would have given that obnoxious inn-keeper a talking!
and
#1. They would have kept in touch and there would now BE
“PEACE ON EARTH”!

Yes Patricia - 2 of my grandchildren are from Australia and their version of the 12 days is quite cute. It became a family laugh when our oldest granddaughter here in Canada refused to sing the 12 days of Christmas at her kindergarten concert because they were singing it wrong. Aunty Mandy had sent her the book and cd for the Australian version and that was what she was going to sing. Eventually the teacher gave in and the whole class performed the Australian version to the absolute delight of the Canadian audience. It was a show stopper

Colleen, do you still have a copy of the Australian version??? If so would you want to share it here??? I'll bet others would enjoy it also. This is a multicultural/international site after all...
Found this & thought some might get a chuckle or two & some may even agree!!!

Gift Wrapping Tips For Men

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men: Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb, went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh." These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: There is no mention of wrapping paper. 



The words "wrapping paper" do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics: 

1. They were wise. 

2. They were men. 



Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion: This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know. 



One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it’s such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it." The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs." 



I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape. 



On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt. My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting: 



GIFT-WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN: 


* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh. 



* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack. 



* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning: 


YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree? 

YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow! 

YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower. 

YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower! 

YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce. 

YOU: I also got you some myrrh. 



In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.

There's more than one version to the Aussie 12 days of Christmas - but the following is the version we have.
A kookaburra in a gum tree
Two snakes on skis
Three wet galahs
Four lyre birds
Five kangaroos
Six sharks a surfin'
Seven emus laying
Eight dingos dancing
Nine crocs a snoozing
Ten wombats washing
Eleven lizards leaping
Twelve possums playing

Thanks Colleen, I don't think I would like to be on the receiving end of some of those!!! Will have to look up the galahs as I don't know that I have heard of those before...

Here is some food for thought & a chuckle or two (I hope)... What do you think??? Any comments???

"Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman"


1. A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
2. Christmas trees don't get mad if you use exotic electrical devices.
3. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
4. You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.
5. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it.
6. When you are done with a Christmas tree, you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.
7. A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.
8. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.
9. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

**********************************************

"Why Is A Christmas Tree Better Than A Man"


1. A Christmas tree is always erect.
2. Even small ones give satisfaction.
3. A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
4. A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on.
5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
6. A Christmas tree has cute balls.
7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
8. You can throw a Christmas tree out when it's past its 
'sell by' date.
9. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.

I just found a version of the 12 Days of Christmas for Genealogists & since we have been talking about that song I have to include this here... Hope you enjoy it.

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas,

My True love gave to me,
Twelve Census Searches,
Eleven Printer Ribbons,
Ten E-Mail Contacts,
Nine Headstone Rubbings,
Eight Birth and Death dates,
Seven Town Clerks Sighing,
Six Second Cousins,
Five Coats of Arms,
Four GEDCOM files,
Three old Wills,
Two CD-ROMS,
And a Branch in my Family Tree.