Genealogy Humor

Mom's Request of Santa

Dear Santa,
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold 62 cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground, and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my daughter's Girl Scout sash with staples and a glue gun.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store. I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like a car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with one potty-trained toddler, two kids who don't fight, and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

And please don't forget the Playdoh Travel Pack, the stocking stuffer this year for mothers of preschoolers. It comes in three fluorescent colors and is guaranteed to crumble on any carpet making the In-laws' house seem just like mine.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family; or if my toddler didn't look so cute sneaking downstairs to eat contraband ice cream in his pajamas at midnight.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table, but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,
Mom

I received the following today and as a mother, I certainly sympathize with her. And her greatest gifts were her children...........and I agree with her.

THE CHRISTMAS PAGEANT

My husband and I had been happily married (most of the time) for five years but hadn't been blessed with a baby.

I decided to do some serious praying and promised God that if he would give us a child, I would be a perfect mother, love it with all my heart and raise it with His word as my guide.

God answered my prayers and blessed us with a son.

The next year God blessed us with another son.

The following year, He blessed us with yet another son.

The year after that we were blessed with a daughter.

My husband thought we'd been blessed right into poverty. We now had four children, and the oldest was only four years old.

I learned never to ask God for anything unless I meant it As a minister once told me, "If you pray for rain, make sure you carry an umbrella."

I began reading a few verses of the Bible to the children each day as they lay in their cribs.

I was off to a good start. God had entrusted me with four children and I didn't want to disappoint Him.

I tried to be patient the day the children smashed two dozen eggs on the kitchen floor searching for baby chicks.

I tried to be understanding...

When they started a hotel for homeless frogs in the spare bedroom, although it took me nearly two hours to catch all twenty-three frogs.

When my daughter poured ketchup all over herself and rolled up in a blanket to see how it felt to be a hot dog, I tried to see the humor rather than the mess..

In spite of changing over twenty-five thousand diapers, never eating a hot meal and never sleeping for more than thirty minutes at a time, I still thank God daily for my children.

While I couldn't keep my promise to be a perfect mother - I didn't even come close...I did keep my promise to raise them in the Word of God.

I knew I was missing the mark just a little when I told my daughter we were going to church to worship God, and she wanted to bring a bar of soap along to "wash up" Jesus, too.

Something was lost in the translation when I explained that God gave us everlasting life, and my son thought it was generous of God to give us his "last wife."

My proudest moment came during the children's Christmas pageant.

My daughter was playing Mary, two of my sons were shepherds and my youngest son was a wise man. This was their moment to shine.

My five-year-old shepherd had practiced his line, "We found the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes."

But he was nervous and said, "The baby was wrapped in wrinkled clothes."

My four-year-old "Mary" said, "That's not 'wrinkled clothes,' silly.

That's dirty, rotten clothes."

A wrestling match broke out between Mary and the shepherd and was stopped by an angel, who bent her halo and lost her left wing.

I slouched a little lower in my seat when Mary dropped the doll representing Baby Jesus, and it bounced down the aisle crying, "Mama-mama."

Mary grabbed the doll, wrapped it back up and held it tightly as the wise men arrived.

My other son stepped forward wearing a bathrobe and a paper crown, knelt at the manger and announced, "We are the three wise men, and we are bringing gifts of gold, common sense and fur."

The congregation dissolved into laughter, and the pageant got a standing ovation.

"I've never enjoyed a Christmas program as much as this one," laughed the pastor, wiping tears from his eyes

"For the rest of my life, I'll never hear the Christmas story without thinking of gold, common sense and fur."

"My children are my pride and my joy and my greatest blessing," I said as I dug through my purse for an aspirin.

Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master.

Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.

Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer.

Had no army, yet kings feared Him.

He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.

Feel honored to serve such a Leader who loves us.

Blessed Christmas to all, or whatever holiday you celebrate, or don't celebrate,

Susie

To all the Susie's: Happy Holidays!

My brother and his family called me tonight when they lit the holiday candles, so we could light them "together." They called me from their cell phone, and my sister in laws mother was on the land line. The family was able to celebrate together!

xx

:)

Happy Hanukkah to those of the Jewish faith. I didn't know much about this holiday as I grew up with a Lutheran background. Soooo, I looked it up and found the following. I hope others may learn about this holiday from this. If any one else wants to contribute info on Hanukkah, please feel free to share. We may be one "family", but we are of many different faiths & beliefs. Learning about one another's religious practices may help us be more tolerant of those differences. I hope that those of the Jewish faith will feel free to share some humor also. I hesitate doing so as I don't want to offend anyone.

Hanukkah - The Jewish Festival of Lights
http://www.whychristmas.com/customs/hanukkah.shtml

Hanukkah is the Jewish Festival of Lights and it remembers the rededication of the second Jewish Temple in Jerusalem. This happened in the 160s BC (before Jesus was born). (Hanukkah is the Jewish word for 'dedication'.) Hanukkah lasts for eight days and starts on the 25th of Kislev, the month in the Jewish calendar that occurs at about the same time as December. Because the Jewish calendar is lunar (it uses the moon for its dates), Kislev can happen from late November to late December.

In 2014, Hanukkah is from in the evening of Tuesday, 16th December until the evening of Wednesday, 24th December.
In 2015, Hanukkah is from in the evening of Sunday, 6th December until the evening of Monday, 14th December.

During Hanukkah, on each of the eight nights, a candle is lit in a special menorah (candelabra) called a 'hanukkiyah'. There is a special ninth candle called the 'shammash' or servant candle which is used to light the other candles. The shammash is often in the center of the other candles and has a higher position. On the first night one candle is lit, on the second night, two are lit until all are lit on the eighth and final night of the festival. Traditionally they are lit from left to right. A special blessing, thanking God, is said before or after lighting the candles and a special Jewish hymn is often sung. The menorah is put in the front window of houses so people passing can see the lights and remember the story of Hanukkah. Most Jewish family and households have a special menorah and celebrate Hanukkah.

Hanukkah is also a time for giving and receiving presents and gifts are often given on each night. Lots of games are played during the time of Hanukkah. The most popular is 'dreidel' (Yiddish) or 'sivivon' (Hebrew). It's a four-sided top with a Hebrew letter on each side. The four letters are the first letter of the phrase 'Nes Gadol Hayah Sham' which means 'A great miracle happened there' (in Israel, 'there' is changed to 'here' so it's 'Nes Gadol Hayah Po'). Player puts a coin, nut or chocolate coin in a pot and the top is spun. If the letter 'nun' (נ) come up nothing happens, if it's 'gimel' (ג) the player wins the pot, if it's 'hay' (ה) you win half the pot and if it's 'shin' (for 'there' ש) or 'pe' (for 'here' פ) you have to put another item into the pot and the next person has a spin!

Food fried in oil is traditionally eaten during Hanukkah. Favourites are 'latkes' - potato pancakes and 'sufganiyot' - deep fried doughnuts that are then filled with jam/jelly and sprinkled with sugar.

The Story behind Hanukkah
About 200 BC Israel was a state in the Seleucid Empire (an empire ruled under Greek law) and under the overall charge of the King of Syria. However, they could follow their own religion and its practices. In 171 BC, There was a new King called Antiochus IV, who also called himself Antiochus Epiphanes which means 'Antiochus the visible god'. Antiochus wanted all the empire to follow Greek ways of life and the Greek religion with all its gods. Some of the Jews wanted to be more Greek, but most wanted to stay Jewish.

The brother of the Jewish high priest wanted to be more Greek, so he bribed Antiochus so he would become the new High Priest instead of his brother and then he had his brother killed! Three years later another man bribed Antiochus even more to let him become the High Priest! To pay his bribe he stole some of the objects made of gold that were used in the Jewish Temple.

On his way home from having to retreat from a battle, Antiochus stopped in Jerusalem and he let out all his anger on the city and the Jewish people. He ordered houses to be burned down and tens of thousands of Jews were killed or put into slavery. Antiochus then went to attack the Jewish Temple, the most important building in Israel to Jews. The Syrian soldiers took all the treasures out of the temple and on 15 Kislev 168 BC Antiochus put up a status of the Greek god Zeus in the centre of the Jewish Temple (but it had the face of Antiochus!). Then on 25 Kislev he desecrated the most holy place in the temple and destroyed the Jewish holy scrolls.

Antiochus then banned practicing the Jewish faith & religion (if you were found out you and all your family were killed) and made the Temple into a shrine to Zeus. There were many Jews killed for their faith. Soon afterwards a Jewish rebellion started.

It began when a 'former' Jewish Priest, called Mattathias, was forced to make an offering to Zeus in his village. He refused to do so and killed a Syrian Soldier! Mattathias's sons joined him and killed the other soldiers in the village. Mattathias was an old man and died soon after this, but his son Judah then took charge of the freedom fighters. Judah's nickname was 'Maccabee' which comes from the Hebrew word for hammer. He and his troops lived in caves and fought an undercover war for three years. They then met the Syrians in open battle and defeated them.

When they got back to Jerusalem, the Temple was in ruins and the statue of Zeus/Antiochus was still standing. They cleaned the Temple. They rebuilt the Jewish altar and on 25 Kislev 165 BC, exactly three years after the statue was put up, the altar and Temple was rededicated to God.

There are several theories about why Hanukkah is celebrated over eight nights. One legend says that when Judah and his followers went into the Temple there was only enough oil to burn for one night, but that it burned for eight nights. Another story says that they found eight iron spears and put candles of them and used them for lighting in the Temple.

Hanukkah and Christmas
The dates of Hanukkah and Christmas might well be associated because 25 Kislev was when the Temple was rededicated and the early Church chose December 25th because they took over the birthday of Greek god Zeus/Roman god Jupiter.

Many thanks Patricia for the well wishes and the informative post. The good news from my home is that the cats did not set themselves on fire from the Menorah!

Elise, glad to hear that your cats are ok--burnt cat would not be a good thing and would not smell good either!!! How many cats do you have? I have one, George who is about 9-10 years old.

My Ziggy Zoom is 7, and my Georgie (!) is 14. I can't find their ancestors - they were adopted.

This one made me cry it was so well put. This lady understands the hearts of many of us.

We Are The Chosen

My feelings are in each family we are called to find the ancestors.

To put flesh on their bones and make them live again,

To tell the family story and to feel that somehow they know and approve.

To me, doing genealogy is not a cold gathering of facts but, instead,

Breathing life into all who have gone before.

We are the story tellers of the tribe.

We have been called as it were by our genes.

Those who have gone before cry out to us:

Tell our story.

So, we do.

In finding them, we somehow find ourselves.

How many graves have I stood before now and cried?

I have lost count.

How many times have I told the ancestors

you have a wonderful family, you would be proud of us?

How many times have I walked up to a grave

and felt somehow there was love there for me?

I cannot say.

It goes beyond just documenting facts.

It goes to who I am and why I do the things I do?
It goes to seeing a cemetery about to be lost forever

to weeds and indifference and saying I can't let this happen.

The bones here are bones of my bone and flesh of my flesh.

It goes to doing something about it.

It goes to pride in what our ancestors were able to accomplish.
How they contributed to what we are today.

It goes to respecting their hardships and losses,

their never giving in or giving up.

Their resoluteness to go on and build a life for their family.

It goes to deep pride that they fought to make and keep us a Nation.

It goes to a deep and immense understanding that they were doing it for us
That we might be born who we are.

That we might remember them.

So we do.

With love and caring and scribing each fact of their existence,

Because we are them and they are us.

So, as a scribe called, I tell the story of my family.

It is up to that one called in the next generation,

To answer the call and take their place in the long line of family storytellers.
That is why I do my family genealogy,

And that is what calls those young and old to step up and put flesh on the bones.

[Author: Della M. Cumming ca 1943.]

Susan,
Thank you for your contribution. It was a powerful message!!! I am going to save it and send it to my email family after the first of the year when everyone will be less busy and have time to think about their family members that have left this life. Maybe this will entice them into remembering and looking for info on their mothers & fathers and grandparents etc. I have had a few who don't seem to understand what I want when I ask for info on their parents or grandparents. This explains it so well-- putting flesh on their vital statistics.

I hope you and all who follow this discussion have a very Happy Holiday and a safe New Year.
Hugs & lots of love to all,
Pat

Reindeer's Story at Christmas
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should have known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

From: http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_santas_reindeer.htm

It is a fact, reindeer experts say, that both the male and female of the species have antlers. It is also a fact that while most cows retain their antlers until spring, most bulls drop their antlers by early December. Which is worrisome, I know, but the key word is most.

The experts go on to explain that some younger bulls, depending upon hereditary and environmental factors, may keep their antlers well into spring — even as late as April.

So it is plausible to suppose that if, for the sake of argument, there were a Santa Claus, and if, for the sake of argument, he did circumnavigate the globe in a reindeer-powered sleigh every December 25th, then at least some of those reindeer — including one in particular with a shiny, red nose — could be males.

Chalk one up for tradition, if just barely.

Swedish joke about high and low.

Two noblemen were out on a trip at the countryside,
when one of them proposed a bet, that the first farmer
they met, would be smarter than them!
The first one they meet was a little farmer boy.
One of them asked the boy; If satan himself appeared here,
who of us would he take?
The boy answered without hesitation, Me Sir!
Why do you believe that said the other man?
Because I'm sure he can take both of you at anytime.

Toooooooo funny!!!
Thanks for the laugh!

Trying another 200 year + old joke.

Two men on their way into the church were arguing heavily
and when they approached the priest standing in the door,
he heard one of them saying that the other one was the
greatest idiot he had ever seen!
-Pardon me, said the priest surprised by the disrespect of
where they were, have you not seen me standing here?

Success
As you go through life, your perspectives on almost everything will change.
How you define success will change as well.
Things that you thought were important at the age of 35 will be useless when you’re 65.
You may not realize it now, but everything will shift...

At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 16 success is having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is having sex.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 60 success is having sex.
At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is having friends.
At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.
It all comes full circle, whether you like it or not.

Yes, that's often true, older people tend to start over,
speaking of success,

Heritage and merit
One nobleman had started his carrier as a simple
barber apprentice. One day he fell in to a hard
dispute with a man who was born into nobility
who suddenly took up this subject, whereupon
the insulted man replied; Yes there is one big
significant different between us, but consider this,
if you had started your carrier in a barbershop,
you would still be the barbers apprentice.

Sorry, mistyped "careers", then again, I have never spoken english.

Development often means that everything gets smaller,
in time the ultimate progression would be just to sell illusions...

Illustrative example
Once they had to pull the panties apart to be able to see the buttocks,
nowadays they have to pull apart the buttocks to see the panties.

Ulf, how true, how true!!!

Bad timing
When did you broke your leg?
It happen under the fall season.

Cheating?
How did Jesus won the swimming contest?
He won by walkover

Womenly arithmetik
A man asked a woman how old she was,
she answered; -Wait a minute, let me think,
I married when I was 18, my husband was then 30,
now he's twice that, so I must be 36.

O Family Tree,
to the tune of "O Tannenbaum"

O Family Tree, O Family Tree 

How sturdy are your branches. 

O Family Tree, O Family Tree, 

How sturdy are your branches. 

Through many years in ages past 

You have shown the strength to last. 

O Family Tree, O Family Tree, 

How sturdy are your branches.

O Family Tree, O Family Tree, 

There is so much for you to tell. 

O Family Tree, O Family Tree, 

There is so much for you to tell. 

Reveal to me your mystery 

As I research my ancestry. 

O Family Tree, O Family Tree,

There is so much for you to tell. 

O Family Tree, O Family Tree, 

Show to me my heritage.

O Family Tree, O Family Tree, 

Show to me my heritage. 

I learn from you so I can see 

A part of you lives on in me. 

O Family Tree, O Family Tree, 

Show to me my heritage.

Author unknown.

The Real Meaning of Life......
......by the Nebbish Philosopher

More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
I speak, by the way, not with any sense of futility, but with a panicky conviction of the absolute meaninglessness of existence which could easily be misinterpreted as pessimism.

It is not. It is merely a healthy concern for the predicament of modern man. (Modern man is here defined as any person born after Nietzsche's edict that "God is dead," but before the hit recording "I Wanna Hold Your Hand.") This "predicament" can be stated one of two ways, though certain linguistic philosophers prefer to reduce it to a mathematical equation where it can be easily solved and even carried around in the wallet.
Put in its simplest form, the problem is: How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world given my waist and shirt size?
This is a very difficult question when we realize that science has failed us. True, it has conquered many diseases, broken the genetic code, and even placed human beings on the Moon, and yet when a man of eighty is in a room with two eighteen-year-old cocktail waitresses nothing happens. Because the real problems never change.
After all, can the human soul be glimpsed through a microscope? Maybe--but you'd definitely need one of those very good ones with two eyepieces. We know that the most advanced computer in the world does not have a brain as sophisticated as that of an ant. True, we could say that of any of our relatives but we only have to put up with them at weddings or special occasions.
Science is something we depend on all the time. If I develop a pain in the chest I must take an X-ray. But what if the radiation from the X-ray causes me deeper problems? Before I know it, I'm going in for surgery. Naturally, while they're giving me oxygen an intern decides to light up a cigarette. The next thing you know I'm rocketing over the World Trade Center in bed clothes. Is this science?
True, science has taught us how to pasteurize cheese. And true, this can be fun in mixed company--but what of the H-bomb? Have you ever seen what happens when one of those things falls off a desk accidentally?
And where is science when one ponders the eternal riddles? How did the cosmos originate? How long has it been around? Did matter begin with an explosion or by the word of God?
And if by the latter, could He not have begun it just two weeks earlier to take advantage of some of the warmer weather? Exactly what do we mean when we say, man is mortal? Obviously it's not a compliment.
Religion too has unfortunately let us down. Miguel de Unamuno writes blithely of the "eternal persistence of consciousness," but this is no easy feat. Particularly when reading Thackeray. I often think how comforting life must have been for early man because he believed in a powerful, benevolent Creator who looked after all things. Imagine his disappointment when he saw his wife putting on weight.
Contemporary man, of course, has no such peace of mind. He finds himself in the midst of a crisis of faith. He is what we fashionably call "alienated." He has seen the ravages of war, he has known natural catastrophes, he has been to singles bars.
My good friend Jacques Monod spoke often of the randomness of the cosmos. He believed everything in existence occurred by pure chance with the possible exception of his breakfast, which he felt certain was made by his housekeeper.
Naturally belief in a divine intelligence inspires tranquility. But this does not free us from our human responsibilities. Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo.
Feeling godless then, what we have done is made technology God. And yet can technology really be the answer when a brand new Buick, driven by my close associate, Nat Zipsky, winds up in the window of Chicken Delight causing hundreds of customers to scatter?
My toaster has never once worked properly in four years. I follow the instructions and push two slices of bread down in the slots and seconds later they rifle upward. Once they broke the nose of a woman I loved very dearly. Are we counting on nuts and bolts and electricity to solve our problems?
Yes, the telephone is a good thing--and the refrigerator--and the air conditioner. But not every air conditioner. Not my sister Henny's, for instance. Hers makes a loud noise and still doesn't cool. When the man comes over to fix it, it gets worse. Either that or he tells her she needs a new one. When she complains, he says not to bother him. This man is truly alienated. Not only is he alienated but he can't stop smiling.
The trouble is, our leaders have not adequately prepared us for a mechanized society. Unfortunately our politicians are either incompetent or corrupt. Sometimes both on the same day. The Government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under five-seven, it is impossible to get your Congressman on the phone. I am not denying that democracy is still the finest form of government. In a democracy at least, civil liberties are upheld. No citizen can be wantonly tortured, imprisoned, or made to sit through certain Broadway shows.
And yet this is a far cry from what goes on in the Soviet Union. Under their form of totalitarianism, a person merely caught whistling is sentenced to thirty years in a labor camp. If, after fifteen years, he still will not stop whistling, they shoot him.
Along with this brutal fascism we find its handmaiden, terrorism. At no other time in history has man been so afraid to cut into his veal chop for fear that it will explode. Violence breeds more violence and it is predicted that by 1990 kidnapping will be the dominant mode of social interaction.
Overpopulation will exacerbate problems to the breaking point. Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano. If we do not call a halt to breeding, by the year 2000 there will be no room to serve dinner unless one is willing to set the table on the heads of strangers. Then they must not move for an hour while we eat. Of course energy will be in short supply and each car owner will be allowed only enough gasoline to back up a few inches.
Instead of facing these challenges we turn instead to distractions like drugs and sex. We live in far too permissive a society. Never before has pornography been this rampant. And those films are lit so badly!
We are a people who lack defined goals. We have never leaned to love. We lack leaders and coherent programs. We have no spiritual center. We are adrift alone in the cosmos wreaking monstrous violence on one another out of frustration and pain. Fortunately, we have not lost our sense of proportion.
Summing up, it is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.

My Speech to the Graduates
by Woody Allen
First published in the New York Times in 1979

It's an art to raise more questions in an attempt to solve some few
you had before, without giving any solution to any of them at all.

Top 10 Reasons why there was no room for Joseph and Mary in the Inn.

10. The Roman Government’s “Buy one night, get a second free” promotion was a bit too successful.

9. The only room left was by the ice machine.

8. The Nazareth Shriners tore up the place the night before.

7. The innkeeper didn’t accept the Judean Express Card.

6. It was the weekend of the Caesar Impersonators convention.

5. The last pregnant lady riding a donkey took all their towels.

4. The health department had shut them down because of an E. coli outbreak.

3. The innkeeper’s wife wouldn’t let him take olive wood carvings as payment anymore.

2. The front desk was closed early so the innkeeper and his family could go outside and watch the unique star.

1. No last names; no service.

Hope this makes you feel less guilty eating cookies this time of year.

Christmas Cookie Rules...

1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.

2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

3. If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend’s first cookie is calories free, (rule #1) yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone, and being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.

4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.

6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three and green ones have five -- one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!

7. Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

9. Any cookies consumed from someone else’s plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate. We all know how calories like to CLING!

10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It's a rule!

So, go out and enjoy those Christmas Cookies -- we only get them this time of year!

Add to the holiday eating list: It's okay to eat potato pancakes for Chanukah, because you put apple sauce on top of them. Fruit is good for you!

Potatoe pancake in sweden is called "raggmunk",
we eat them with "fläsk" och lingon, "bacon" and "lingonberries".

Cakes we eat all year long with or without any said graces.

Ulf..
On Hanukkah we prefer our Latkes with Smetteneh & Epl-tsimes...and sometimes even topped with Lachs...

Although I am very willing to try Raggmunk with Flask och Lingon...it sounds Geshmak!!!!!!!!....UmmmmmmmmmmmmmYummmmmm

There are some food combination that's only ok on certain holidays, like Christmas, e.g. mixing meat with fish on the same dish. My thoughts
will go out to the vegetarians on this time at year, who's surrounded
with carnivores every single feast around the year regardless of how
it's commemorated.
But however, it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles, it's what comes out. Merry eating to you all!

..."it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles, it's what comes out."

Ulf....you are in fact a philosopher....Happy holidays...

Oy gevalt! I had to use google to figure out what Norma puts on his latkes!