Genealogy Humor

While this isn't "Humorous" at all...It's a very funny idea...and the fact that it was kept a secret for sooo many years is truely Funny...This could be a movie!!!

****WW2 POW'S ESCAPED USING MONOPOLY GAMES****

(NEWSER) – Monopoly was more than a game for many World War II POWs, who used tools hidden in the boxed sets to help them escape. The story's been told before, but Christian Donland at Eurogamer looked deeply into the life of a high-strung, eccentric British intelligence officer named Clayton Hutton, who designed the escape tools and had them shipped to POWs in Monopoly games. The boxes arrived from phony charities with clues in their letterhead, like the Biblical lines, "Ask and it shall be given you; seek and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you." POWs could also spot them by the red dot on the Free Parking space, notes the Atlantic. Inside, they found shears, metal files, a silk escape map, mini-compass, and money in the local currency.

Experts think some 35,000 Allied POWs escaped and made it back home, some with the help of rigged Monopoly sets. But who knows? Hutton was forbidden to mention his ingenious tools, which were government secrets, after all. Hutton had a nervous breakdown and later died in 1965, most of his work unacknowledged. His greatest brush with fame likely came as a young man in meeting Harry Houdini, who bet he could escape from a box built by Hutton's colleagues. Houdini won by bribing a carpenter into adding an escape hatch, but Hutton "learned that, when it comes to escape, every trick counts," writes Donland. "Eventually he would put this knowledge ... to work for him in the Second World War."

Patricia, thank you for your kinds words of welcome! I am enjoying all the humor contained in this discussion thread.

morel is Ulf Ingvar Göte Martinsson's 21st cousin 8 times removed! So Ulf Ingvar Göte Martinsson, I am your 21 st cousin 8 times removed in law!!

I love limericks and may post one or two now and then. Here is one we genealogists can relate to regarding names:

A certain young fellow named Bee-Bee
Wished to wed a woman named Phoebe
"But" he said, "I must see
What the clerical fee
Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Bee-Bee"

Those in America are beginning to collect documents, etc for doing their taxes (uhg!!!). I thought that you might appreciate this one.

Lemon Juice
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet: The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze out one more drop of juice would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weight lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, ”I’d like to try the bet." After the laughter died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?"

The man replied, "I work for the Internal Revenue Service."

The bailiffs are horrible people

Part from the history of tax collecting in Sweden

The tax card would lay right and the money be even and ready counted. A farmer came up to the table and began to pick up and count the money, but the bailiff stroked it all down to the floor and cried: Up with the next one! "

http://www.skatteverket.se/images/18.76a43be412206334b89800035687/1...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vogt

A Dissent on Starbucks by Jackie Mason
(he writes in dialect...the way he speaks)

Starbucks is the best example of a phony status symbol that means nothing, but people will still pay ten times as much for it because there are foreign words all over the place.
You want coffee in a coffee shop, that's 60 cents But at Starbucks...
Cafe Latte: $3.50. Cafe Creamier: 4.50. Cafe Suisse: $9.50.
For each French word, another four dollars.
Why does a little cream in coffee make it worth $3.50? Go into any coffee shop; they'll give you all the cream you want until you're blue in the face. Forty-million people are walking around in coffee shops with jars of cream: "Here's all the cream you want!" And it's still 60 cents. You know why? Because it's called "coffee."
If it's Cafe Latte... $4.50. You want cinnamon in your coffee?
Ask for cinnamon in a coffee shop; they'll give you all the cinnamon you want. Do they ask you for more money because it's cinnamon? It's the same price for cinnamon in your coffee as for coffee without cinnamon:
60 cents, that's it. But not in Starbucks. Over there, it's Cinnamonier: $9.50. You want a refill in a regular coffee shop, they'll give you all the refills you want until you drop dead. You can come in when you're 27 and keep drinking coffee until you're 98. And they'll start begging you: "Here, you want more coffee, you want more, you want more?"
Do you know that you can't get a refill at Starbucks? A refill is a dollar fifty. Two refills, $4.50. Three refills, $19.50. So, for four cups of coffee: $350.

...And it's burnt coffee. It's burnt coffee at Starbucks, let's be honest about it. If you get burnt coffee in a coffee shop, you call a cop. You say, it's from the bottom of the pot. I don't drink from the bottom of the pot. But when it's burnt at Starbucks, they say, "Oh, it's a blend. It's a blend. It's a special bean from Argentina..." The bean is in your head! And there're no chairs in those Starbucks. Instead, they have these high stools. You ever see these stools? You haven't been on a chair that high since you were two. Seventy-three year old men are climbing and climbing to get to the top of the chair... And when they get to the top, they can't even drink the coffee because there's 12 people around one little table, and everybody's saying... "Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me... Then they can't get off the chair. Old men are begging people... "Mister, could you get me off this?"

Do you remember what a cafeteria was? In poor neighborhoods all over this country, they went to a cafeteria because there were no waiters and no service. And so poor people could save money on a tip. Cafeterias didn't have regular tables or chairs either. They gave coffee to you in a cardboard cup. So because of that you paid less for the coffee. You got less, so you paid less. It's all the same as Starbucks: no chairs, no service, a cardboard cup for your coffee -- except in Starbucks, the less you get, the more it costs. By the time they give you nothing, it's worth four times as much.

Am I exaggerating? Did you ever try to buy a cookie in Starbucks? Buy a cookie in a regular coffee shop! You can tear down a building with that cookie. And the whole cookie is 60 cents. At Starbucks, you're going to have to hire a detective to find that cookie, and it's $9.50. And you can't put butter on it because they want extra. Do you know that if you buy a bagel, you pay extra for cream cheese in Starbucks? Cream cheese, another 60 cents. A knife to put it on, 30 cents. If it reaches the bagel, 48 cents. That bagel costs you $312. And they don't give you the butter or the cream cheese. They don't give it to you. They tell you where it is.
"Oh, you want butter? It's over there. Cream cheese? Over here. Sugar? Sugar is here." Now you become your own waiter. You walk around with a tray. "I'll take the cookie. Where's the butter? The butter's here. Where's the cream cheese? The cream cheese is there." You walked around for an hour and a half selecting items, and then the guy at the cash register has a glass in front of him that says "Tips." You're waiting on tables for an hour, and you owe him money. Then there's a sign that says please clean it up when you're finished. They don't give you a waiter or a busboy. Now you've become the janitor. Now you have to start cleaning up the place. Old "kockers" are walking around cleaning up Starbucks. "Oh, he's got dirt too? Wait, I'll clean this up." They clean up the place for an hour and a half.

If I said to you, "I have a great idea for a business. I'll open a whole new type of a coffee shop. A whole new type. Instead of 60 cents for coffee I'll charge $2.50, $3.50, $4.50, and $5.50. Not only that, I'll have no tables, no chairs, no water, no busboy, and you'll clean it up for 20 minutes after you're finished." Would you say to me, "That's the greatest idea for a business I ever heard! We can open a chain of these all over the world!" No, you would put me right into a sanitarium. Starbucks can only get away with it because they have French titles for everything...those Nazi b-----d sons-of-a-b---h! ...And I say this with the highest respect, because I don't like to talk about people.

"....the Clueless"......

A Jewish couple won twenty-million dollars in the lottery.
They immediately set out to begin a life of luxury. They bought a magnificent mansion estate in Southampton and surrounded themselves with all the material wealth imaginable.
They then decided to have a butler and, wanting the best, they traveled to London to hire one. They found the perfect butler through an agency and brought him back to their estate. The day after his arrival, they instructed him to set up the dining room table for four, that they were inviting the Cohens to brunch.
The couple then left the house to do some shopping. When they returned, they found the table set for eight. They asked the butler why eight, when they had specifically instructed him to set the table for four.

The butler replied, "The Cohens telephoned and said they were bringing
the Bagels and the Knishes."

This one is a little naughty, so I hope no one is offended...

THE CHICKEN FARMER

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?"

"I'm a whore," she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "No, No, No, that won't work. Let's try to rephrase that"

The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".

"No, that still won't work. Try again."

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"

"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."

"Chicken Farmer it is."

Funny Cemetery Quotes
▪ A genealogist is a person who leaves no stone unearthed.
▪ A cemetery is a marble garden not to be taken for granite.
▪ Selecting a tombstone is usually a monumental task.
▪ Go ahead and honk your horn in the cemetery. It’s not possible to wake the dead.
▪ A cemetery is where “down under” takes on an entirely new meaning.

AND

Oxymorons, Enigmas & Theories about Genealogy
▪ Oxymoron: “I love history, but I dislike genealogy.” Don’t you want to tell these people that genealogy is family history?
▪ Genealogical enigma: How so many published trees record people who died before they were born.
▪ Genealogy theorem: There is a 100% chance that those elusive ancestors weren’t interested in genealogy.
▪ Genealogy theorem: The odds that you are related to yourself are probably not less than 100%.
▪ Theory of relativity: If you go back far enough, we’re all related.
▪ Murphy’s Law of Genealogy: Your ancestor’s maiden name will be recorded on the one record page that is missing.

So Tru here, Genealogical enigma: How so many published trees record people who died before they were born.

You Make my Day Every Day, I can't wait for the next post

A modern genealogist can give any man 3 wife's just in a blink,
he can divorce two of them just as fast and why not already in
the mood, give the last one 14 kids...without any concerns at all!
The dead can neither enjoy or suffer, not even rotate in their graves.

A friend sent me an email that had a fact I had to check out. It stated that "A Russian woman in the 1700's gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, 7 sets of triplets and 4 sets of quadruplets in just 40 years with the same man." So I had to check it out & found it was true.

I just looked it up & found her on Google @ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feodor_Vassilyev
(There may have been other sites about him, but that was the first one I came to, so went with it.)

That would be 69 Children!!! Wonder what Dad did to support such a large family??? (Only a couple of the children didn't survive childhood.)

And it looks like Dad had a 2nd wife who had 18 more children (6 twins, 2 sets of triplets). Again only a couple didn't survive childhood.

Talk about keeping your wife barefoot & pregnant!!!

Dad's name was: Feodor Vassilyev however apparently his wife's name & data is not known! One would think the mother of that many children would be known!!!

I would hate to attempt to get him and ALL of the family into Geni (that is 87 children & 2 wives and all of their families!!!) --What a challenge!!!!!!!!!! Could Geni handle it??? (I am attempting to imagine "Mom" & "Dad"'s profile pages... it bogles the mind!)

I asked our Russian curators to take the challenge, but the response was: "It was a peasant family and hardly seem possible restore a family tree of this family."

...a veeery religious experience....

.... When Adam, Eve and G-d were in heaven, G-D decided to reproduce the human race.

He told Adam: Go and kiss Eve.
Adam: sorry, but, what is a kiss ?
G-D: i will explain, my son
So, G-D explained 10 minutes how to kiss.
Adam went and returned after 20 minutes so excited.
Adam: Done, what is next ?
G-D: go and hug Eve.
Adam: sorry, but, what is a hug ?
G-D: I will explain my son.
So, G-D explained 20 minutes different ways of hugs.
Adam went and returned after 30 minutes, more excited.
Adam: Done, what is next ?
G-D: go and make love to Eve.
Adam: sorry, but what is making love ?
G-D: I will explain my son.
So, G-D explained 40 minutes about making love.
Adam went and returned very disappointed after 2 minutes.
G-D: what happened, my son ?

Adam: sorry...but what is a HEADACHE ?

DUCKS IN HEAVEN!!!

Three women die together in an accident
And go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says,
'We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
There are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
And although they try their best to avoid them,
The first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
Spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day,
The second woman steps accidentally on a duck
And along comes St. Peter,
Who doesn't miss a thing!
With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together
With the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and,
Not wanting to be chained
For all eternity to an ugly man, is very,
VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months
Without stepping on any ducks,
But one day St. Peter comes up to her
With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on…
Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says,
'I wonder what I did to deserve being
Chained to you for all of eternity?'
The guy says, 'I don't know about you,
But I stepped on a Duck.

...Genealogy of Dick Gregory & Black Humor on TV and in Nightclubs....

Dick Gregory was a brilliant, pioneering black comedian who was among the first to break the color barrier in nightclubs:

"Dick Gregory, along with Nipsey Russell, Bill Cosby, and Godfrey Cambridge, belonged to a new generation of black comedians unencumbered by the deferential buffoonery of vaudeville or minstrelsy. Gregory, especially, did not flinch from skewering white audiences on issues of race: 'Wouldn't it be a hell of a thing if this was burnt cork and you people were being tolerant for nothing?' and 'Everyone I meet says, "Some of my best friends are colored; even though you know there ain't that many of us to go around."

"Perched on a stool in a three-button Brooks Brothers suit, Dick Gregory possessed an unflappable cool, taking long, contemplative drags on his cigarette and exhaling well-timed streams of smoke into the spotlight before delivering his punch lines. Not even the inevitable catcalls of 'nigger' could rock his composure. 'According to my contract,' he replied to one such heckler, 'the management pays me fifty dollars every time someone calls me that. So will you all do me a favor? Everybody in the room please stand up and yell "nigger." ' ...

"When Gregory arrived, out of breath, at the Playboy Club [having been called for his first] night, he was told to go home. A mistake had been made. They were very sorry, but they hadn't realized the room had been booked by a convention of frozen-food executives from the South -- not the best audience for Gregory to break in with. They offered him fifty dollars and said they would try to work him in again soon. 'But I was cold and mad and I had run twenty blocks and I didn't even have another quarter to go back home,' Gregory wrote. 'I told [the room manager] I was going to do the show they had called me for. I had come too far to stop now. I told him I didn't care if he had a lynch mob in there. I was going on -- tonight. '

"'He looked at me and shrugged. Then he stepped aside and opened the door to the top.'
I understand there are a good many Southerners in the room tonight. I know the South very well. I spent twenty years there one night.
Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant and this white waitress came up to me and said, 'We don't serve colored people here.' I said, 'That's all right. I don't eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken.'

About that time these three cousins come in. You know the ones I mean, Klu, Kluck, and Klan. About that time the waitress brought me my chicken and they say, 'Boy, we're givin' you fair warnin' Anything you do to that chicken, we're gonna do to you.'

So I put down my knife and fork, I picked up that chicken and I kissed it.

"At the end of his show, the frozen-food execs gave him a standing ovation. They handed him money as he left the stage. One of them said, 'You know, if you have the right managers you'll die a billionaire.'

"Hugh Hefner came down for the second show to see what all the excitement was about and immediately signed Gregory to a three-year contract, beginning with a three-week run that was held over through March 12.

"'And, just like that,' Phillip Lutz would write in the New York Times, 'with little fanfare or protest, nightclub comedy was integrated.'

"Time magazine of Friday, February 17, featured a prominent article on Gregory, and the following Monday morning a call came from someone on Jack Paar's staff inviting him to appear on The Tonight Show.

"'My wife took the call and she's so happy,' Gregory said. 'I got on the phone and said, "No, I don't want to do this," and I hung up and started crying." '

"Gregory had long dreamed of appearing on The Tonight Show, sometimes practicing for hours in front of the mirror after the show signed off at 1:00 a.m., imagining how he would comport himself and what he would say to Paar when his opportunity finally came, as he was sure it would. Then one night he went out drinking with singer Billy Eckstine who began 'cussin' Paar out to me. [He] told me, "Hey, man, that motherf**kin' Jack Paar, he ain't never let a nigger sit on the couch." '

"'I was so embarrassed, so humiliated, I never told my wife that I could not do the Paar show. It was just a personal thing.'

"Fortunately, Gregory's phone rang again. This time it was Paar himself

'Dick Gregory?'

'Yes.'

'This is Mr. Paar. How come you don't want to work my show?'

'I just don't want to work it.'

'Why?'

'Because the negroes never sit on the couch.'

There was a long pause and he said, 'Well come on in, you can sit on the couch.'

"While Paar and Gregory exchanged a few canned jokes ('What kind of car you got?' 'A Lincoln, naturally'), so many phone calls came in to the NBC switchboard in New York the circuits blew out. The calls, Gregory says, were coming from 'white folks who were seeing a black person for the first time in a human conversation.'

"Gregory had been earning $250 a week at the Playboy Club. After sitting on Jack Paar's couch, he said, his salary jumped to $5,000. 'What a country!' he would say. 'Where else could I have to ride in the back of the bus, live in the worst neighborhoods, go to the worst schools, eat in the worst restaurants -- and average $5,000 a week just talking about it?' "

FROM: Furious Cool: Richard Pryor and the World That Made Him
Author: David Henry

Norm, that was very interesting. It is amazing how far we have come, and yet how far we still need to go. Unfortunately there are still people who prejudge people based on the color of their skin!!!

Those who are suffering the cold & snow may or may not appreciate this one. Then again, you might chuckle a few times, being able to identify with some of these...

It Was So Cold that…
• We had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
• Hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
• Roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
• When I dialed 911, a recorded message said to phone back in the spring!
• The optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses!
• Kids were using a new excuse to stay up late: "But Mom, my pajamas haven't thawed out yet!"
• Richard Simmons started wearing pants!
• A streaker froze in mid-streak!
• The town council just stuck a plaque on him and pretended he was a Greek statue until spring.
• UN weapons inspectors suddenly decided that chemical weapons might be hidden in Hawaii!
• Pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets just to keep them warm!
• The squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence!
• I chipped a tooth on my soup!
• My Dad was wearing golfing gloves on both hands!
• The dogs were wearing cats! Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick!
• People with traffic tickets would plead guilty and beg for the electric chair!
• Terrorists started to stockpile weapons-grade hot chocolate!
• Levi Strauss started manufacturing electric jeans!
• The rats were bribing the alley cats for a snuggle.
• We had to chop up the piano for firewood - but we only got two chords.
• We had to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our parkas!
• When we milked the cows, we got ice cream!
• When we milked the brown cows - we got chocolate ice cream!
• Words froze in the air. If you wanted to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire!
• The dogs had to put jumper cables on the rabbits - just to get them running!
• Playboy magazine stopped publishing because no women would take their clothes off.
• We pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up!
• The Husky Association was making emergency service calls to get the dog teams started!
• When we parked the sled, we either had to plug in the dogs - or keep them running in place!

I hope all who are dealing with the cold weather & snow are safe and surviving without problems (like no electricity...) Drive carefully! May angels be with you!!!

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers? Well, here it is:

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his daughter's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy-- just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.

"Not really, PaPa, it was boring. We didn't see a single as*hole, queer, piece of s**t, horse's a*s, socialist left wing Obama lover, blind b**tard, dip s**t, Muslim camel humper, peckerhead or son of a b**ch anywhere we went. We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw.
I really didn't have any fun."

***Sounds veeeery familiar to me...Almost brings a tear to your eye,
doesn't it?

Oooopps!!! Out of the mouths of babes!!!

Here is another one about a grandparent...

"Grandpa's Audit"

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.

Don't mess with oldsters--they aren't as dumb as some people think!!!

Greatness It Was So Cold that…
• We had to chop up the piano for firewood - but we only got two chords.

....50 Shades ‘N Graying.........

.......Back and forth . . . . Back and forth . . . .
.....In and out . . . . In and out . . . .
...A little to the right . . . . A little to the left . . . .
....She could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . .
Between her breasts . . . . And, trickling down the small of her back . . . .
.....She was getting near to the end.

He was in ecstasy . . . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved . . .
....Forwards then backwards........Forward then backward....
....Again . . . . and, again . . . .
....Her heart was pounding now . . . .
...Her face was flushed . . . .
.........She moaned . . . . softly at first, then began to groan louder . . . .
...Finally . . . . totally exhausted . . . . she let out a piercing scream . . . .

...She shouted:




"OK, OK, you smug bastard, I can't parallel park. You do it!"

Norm,
I loved this one. I was a little nervous but It got me at the end!!! Am sharing it with my email friends.

Bill, thanks for your contribution. I will add yours to the list. It was a groaner... (but a good one!!!)

It was in your its so cold list I just replyed it was greatness.

Now I told the joke to a friend that and he said It Was So Cold he burned his Mandolin and didn't even get a Cord

Bill, I thought it sounded sort of familiar, but didn't check. Soooo, I changed what I had added so it reflected your friend's comment:
• We had to burn the mandolin and didn’t even get a chord!

Anyone else with possible additions???

It was Sooo Cooold that..........
hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!

It was so cold...
roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!

It was so cold . . .
when I dialed 911, a recorded message said to phone back in the spring!

It was so cold . . .
the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses!

It was so cold . . .
pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets just to keep them warm!

It was so cold . . .
the squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence!

It was so cold . . .
I chipped a tooth on my soup!

It was so cold . . .
Grandpa’s teeth were chattering - in the glass!

It was so cold . . .
the dogs were wearing cats!

It was so cold . . .
Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick!

It was so cold . . .
Levi Strauss started manufacturing electric jeans!

It was so cold . . .
the rats were bribing the alley cats for a snuggle.

It was so cold . . .
we had to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our parkas!

It was so cold...
kids stopped worrying about acne. The new problem - goosepimples!

It was so cold . . .
when we milked the cows, we got ice cream! When we milked the brown cows - we got chocolate ice cream!

It was so cold . . .
words froze in the air. If you wanted to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire!

It was so cold . . .
the dogs had to put jumper cables on the rabbits - just to get them running!

It was so cold . . .
Playboy magazine stopped publishing because no women would take their clothes off.

It was so cold . . .
we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up!

It was so cold . . .
the Husky Association was making emergency service calls to get the dog teams started! .....Then...
It was so cold . . .
when we parked the sled, we either had to plug in the dogs - or keep them running in place!

or...

It was so cold that the guys in the fire department demanded to work for free on their day off.

It was so cold that the power plant turned to the Church to hear if it was possible to hire stokers from hell.

It was so cold that a man burned up his wife's mother's wooden legs, his wife thought that it would have been okay if he had bothered to detach them first. When the fire department arrived, they did not put out the fire, they said it was their day off. The man were hired by the power plant next day, by recommendations of the church.

Hey, what do you get when you sit on the ice too long?
Polaroids!