Genealogy Humor

Ulf, tooooooo naughty!!! I've seen that one before, but still laughed! One just knows where the mind of the reader was going!

Susan, thanks for your contribution, however, I couldn't get the site to open.

Life Explained

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"



So God agreed...

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."



The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"



And God agreed...

On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."





The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"





And God agreed again...


On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."



But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"



"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."



So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g77TQx2ZvE0

I'm sorry about that link not working, let's try this one.

Ulf! I'm laughing! Thank you for sharing that.

Here is a short one, genealogically related:

Ever wonder why the census never makes sense?

Ocupayshun, census taker:

" I am a cencus taker for the city of Bufflow. our city has groan very fast in recent yeers & now in 1865, it has become a hard & time consuming job to count all the peephill. There are not many that con do this werk, as it is nesessaree to have an ejucation, wich a lot of pursons don not hav. Anuther atribeart needed for this job is gud speling, for meny of the peephill to be counted can hardle speek Inglish, let alon spel there names!"

Susan, all those commercials are so sweet! My favorite is "Dream Big"

I'm glad that you understood it at all, I wrote "lock", but should have written
"caps", instead, ( I think ). It's not always that easy to translate from Swedish to English, certainly not as I never speak that language, guess that I recognize myself in that joke about the census a lot! when I guessing my way to make it sound right!

Susan, those commercials are fantastic. I still like the snowball one--you can't help laughing at the looks on those smartalic youngsters, although I like the others also. Hope you don't mind, but I plan to share the site with my email "family".

Ulf, you do great with translating from Swedish to English.

Thanks for sharing and contributing to this discussion. It is so nice when others contribute also.

Hugs & Angels be with you and everyone who follows this discussion,
Pat

Found this online & thought it was worth passing on...

Menu Planning Tip to Reduce Stress

I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." 



However, I used to get very frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. 



If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat, legible tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it will be there waiting.

Lovemaking Tips for Seniors........

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting.. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember..

6. Use extra Polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..

8.. Make all the noise you want....the neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice..........

'OLD' IS WHEN....
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police .

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot..

'OLD' IS WHEN....
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You're not sure if these are facts or jokes.

(I wrote this in large type so you can read it)

Norm, There were toooo many of those 'OLD' IS WHEN... that were toooooooo close for comfort that I could identify with!!!

Pat....tell me about it!!!

Medicrin
(Warning -- pun ahead -- be prepared to groan!)

There once was a medieval village named Trinsic. This village was being terrorized by a vile monster, the Medicrin. Each night, the Medicrin would stalk down from the hills, and devour one of the villagers.

The terrified villagers called a meeting, and decided to pool their money together to hire the great hero, Erik. <F A N F A R E>

Erik came and listened to the complaints of the villagers. He consulted his Great Hero's Book of Vile Monsters, and learned that Medicrins love to eat Loons.

So Erik hunted high and low to find a loon. He found one, captured it, tied it up, and brought it back to the village. He then had the villagers dig a deep pit. Erik threw the loon into the pit, hoping to capture the Medicrin, and slay it.

That night, the Medicrin came...

It smelled the loon...

But it also smelled DANGER, and it ran off, devouring one of the villagers on the way out.

After calming the villagers, the next day, Erik again consulted his Great Hero's Book of Vile Monsters, and learned that Medicrins also love sugar.

So Erik gathered up all of the sugar in the village, and threw it into the pit. The loon, not having eaten in days, devoured all of the sugar in a single gulp. Erik was struck with panic, and ran to and fro trying to figure out what to do next, but night had fallen, and the Medicrin would be there soon, so Erik crossed his fingers, and hoped for the best.

That night, the Medicrin came...

It smelled the loon...

It smelled danger...

But it also smelled the sugar, and the Medicrin dived into the pit, and devoured the loon. The villagers swarmed over the Medicrin, and slew it.

The moral of the story:
"A loon full of sugar helps the Medicrin go down."

Private User

Written in about me field (translation):

Release date 92, a bit like sport edition, but at most still basic, mileage low, a swedish wannabe, light tone, otherwise in top-notch working condition.

For all you smarties out there, how would you do with this challenge???

MENSA Convention

MENSA is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140 or higher. A few years ago, there was a MENSA Convention in San Francisco and several members lunched at a local cafe. 



While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling and using only the implements at hand? Clearly, this was a job for MENSA! 



The group debated and presented ideas and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution. 



"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker..." 



"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." So she unscrewed the caps of both and switched them.

What do you all think about this one??? Comments???

Men Give Up Far More Than Women

As a senior at St. Cloud State University in Minnesota, I often engage women psychology majors in heated discussions about male-female relationships. Once, my friend Shelly and I got into a hot debate about whether men or women make the larger sacrifice of their respective gender characteristics when they get married. To my surprise, Shelly agreed with me that men give up far more than women.

"You're right, Steve," she said. "Men generally give up doing their cleaning, their cooking, their grocery shopping, their laundry."

Norm sent this to me in an email, and I think it would be of interest here. Hope you enjoy the 4+ min. video.

A 240 year old doll that can write; a clockwork creation by Pierre Jaquet-Droz.
This 4 minute clip will fascinate just about all the engineers, artists, clock makers, doll makers, computer programmers, want to be inventors, or basically anyone out there that likes to tinker.
Remember…this was built in the 1770's.

http://www.chonday.com/Videos/the-writer-automaton <http://www.chonday.com/Videos/the-writer-automaton&gt;

Just checked to see if the above video worked--it does... at least the first part is the video I intended to send. The one that has the < before it doesn't. Don't know what it was supposed to be... Oh, well click on the site before the <. It is a fascinating video...
Pat

Fantastic little doll, I could need something like that in order
to write readable handwritten texts..

Let me now go to the question in your previous post,
when a man, or any man, do his or more part of the
household chores, then the woman, or i.e. all women,
soon accuse him for not being a real man! that's often
worse and will definitely in the length lead to a divorce
most likely after a number of deceitful acts and general
misbehavior.

Anyone that tell me that this isn't true, is a liar, and anyone
who wish that they really had such a man, would indeed
do better of if that man were just a friend.

A cousin from Ohio (naturally), sent me this. It has some interesting info about Ohio. Wonder how many are aware of all of this, esp. those from Ohio???

Ohio Facts They Never Taught You In School

Without the Buckeye State we’d have no airplanes, cash registers or 23-foot-long drumsticks.

1. Fifty percent of the United States population lives within a 500-mile radius of Columbus, Ohio.
2. Neil Armstrong, the first man to walk on the moon, was from Wapakoneta, Ohio.
3. It is illegal to fish for whales on a Sunday in Ohio… not that there’s any place to do that. Well, at least you can fish for them every other day of the week.
4. Thomas A. Edison, the inventor of the incandescent light bulb, the phonograph, and the early motion picture camera, was from Milan.
5. Akron was the first city to use police cars.

6. Ohio has the largest Amish population of any state in the nation.
7. John Lambert of Ohio City made America's first automobile in 1891.
8. The first full-time automobile service station opened in 1899 in Ohio.
9. Oberlin College, founded in 1833, was the first interracial and coeducational college in the United States.
10. Seven United States presidents were born in Ohio: Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James A. Garfield, Benjamin Harrison, William McKinley, William H. Taft, and Warren G. Harding. Must be something in the water.

11. There is an alley dedicated to drummer Dave Grohl in his hometown of Warren, Ohio.
12. The largest drum sticks in the world are in David Grohl Alley, each measuring 23 feet long and weighing a half-ton.
13. The Pro Football Hall of Fame is located in Canton.
14. Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public in Ohio. The reasoning? So that men can’t see reflections of the women’s underwear in their shoes.
15. Life Savers candy was invented by Clarence Crane of Garrettsville, Ohio in 1912. They were touted as a “summer candy” since they didn’t melt like chocolate.

16. Some well-known personalities were born in Ohio. Among them are Steven Spielberg, Paul Newman, Annie Oakley, Arsenio Hall and Clark Gable.
17. It is illegal for more than five women to live in one house in Ohio.
18. The world’s largest horseshoe crab is more than 55 feet long, and lives in Blanchester.
19. Ohio’s state flag is not a rectangle like other flags—it’s a pennant design, and it’s the only state flag in the United States with that design.
20. By state law, no one may be arrested on a Sunday or on the Fourth of July in Ohio, which is totally awesome and definitely not enforced.

21. Roy J. Plunkett of New Carlisle, Ohio invented Teflon in 1938.
22. You can take tours of a house made entirely of trash, affectionately referred to as ‘House of Trash’ in Philo. Spoiler: It’s actually totally cool.
23. There’s a mysterious rolling sphere in the Marion Cemetery. The 5,200-pound sphere of granite has been revolving on its base since it was placed there in the late 1800s. “Ripley’s Believe It or Not!” featured it in 1929. It’s still moving at an average of two inches per year.
24. The first airplane was invented by Dayton natives the Wright Brothers.
25. The Great Serpent Mound, the largest serpent effigy in the world at a half mile long, is on a plateau overlooking Brush Creek Valley in Adams County.

26. There is a shrine called the ‘Temple of Tolerance’ in Wapakoneta, that looks like it should be somewhere sacred, but it’s in Jim Bowsher’s backyard. He’s the temple master and gives free tours every day.
27. The very first mechanical cash register was invented in Dayton.
28. The first concrete street in America, which is still in use today, was poured in 1891 near the Logan County Courthouse in Bellefontaine.
29. If a restaurant wants to serve horse meat in Ohio, they must display a sign that says, “Horse Meat Served Here.” Thank goodness for that.
30. There is a double Futuro House, aka UFO House, in Carlisle.

31. The first capital city of Ohio wasn’t Columbus—it was Chillicothe, which is now part of the Greater Columbus Metropolitan Area.
32. In 1879, Cleveland became the first city to be lighted by electricity.
33. Akron is the rubber capital of the world.
34. It is unlawful to leave chewing gum in public places in Cleveland.
35. “Hang On Sloopy” is the official state rock song.

36. Ohio is the leading producer of greenhouse and nursery plants.
37. For many years the patrons of Maid-Rite Sandwich Shop in Greenville have been sticking their gum outside the walls. Three of the building’s four walls are covered in gum, creating the infamous ‘Wall of Gum’.
38. The Glacial Grooves on the north side of Kelleys Island are the largest and most easily accessible great ice sheet grooves in the world. They were created 18,000 years ago by the great ice sheet that covered part of North America.
39. Dresden is the home of the world's largest basket. It is located at Basket Village USA.
40. There is an ‘Unofficial Lego Museum’ in Bellaire and it has some of the coolest lego creations known to man.

41. In Dublin there’s a public art installation called ‘Field of Corn (with Osage Orange Trees)’. By the locals it’s called ‘Cornhenge’ and features 109 ears of concrete corn that stand eight feet tall. It’s a tribute and celebration of Sam Frantz, who invented hybrid corn species.
42. There is a permanent ‘Things Swallowed’ display at the Allen County Museum in Lima that featured things that have been swallowed and retrieved by doctors, including buttons, thumbtacks, bones, coins, dentures and other things swallowed.
43. Ohio holds the record for the world’s largest basket, the Longaberger Company headquarters building in Newark. It’s seven stories high and 180,000 square feet.

I love these trivia posts Pat! Thank you for sharing this fun info about Ohio

I could not resist posting interesting trivia about my home state Michigan.

1. While Florida may bear the title of “Peninsula State,” Michigan is the only state consisting of two peninsulas, upper and lower.

2. Sault Ste. Marie, founded in 1668, was the first European settlement in the Midwest, and the third-oldest one west of the Appalachians.

3. Michigan abolished the death penalty in 1846 for all crimes other than treason, becoming not only the first state but the first English-speaking government in the world to do so.

4. There are no longer any living wolverines in the Wolverine State. There was one discovered in Huron County in 2004, the first one spotted in 200 years, but it has since passed on and has now been stuffed and mounted.

5. One of the world's largest registered Holstein herds can be found at Green Meadow Farms in the appropriately-named village of Elsie.

6. The world's largest limestone quarry is located near Rogers City.

7. Colon, despite its unfortunate name, is nevertheless quite the magical place. It's the former hometown and, unless he's pulled a Houdini and managed a posthumous escape, the final resting place of Harry Blackstone, Sr. It's also home to several magic supply manufacturers: Abbott Magic Company, Sterlini Magic Manufacturing Company and FAB Magic.

8. The first air-conditioned car was manufactured in 1939 by Detroit's Packard Motor Car Company.

9. Da Yoopers are a band from da U.P., ya? Dey're famous for singin' 'bout deer huntin' an' farts.

10. Yoopers (everyone on the U.P., not just the guys in the band) refer to people from the rest of the state as “trolls” because they live “below the [Mackinac] bridge.” Other nicknames are flatlanders and lopers, the latter name being short for Lower Peninsula.

11. In Michigan you get 10 cents back for recycling a can, which is the highest payback rate in the country. While the state also has the nation's highest recycling rate (no surprise there), they're also losing over $10 million a year due to out-of-staters fraudulently trying to cash in. Blame the border states: Indiana, Wisconsin and Ohio which don't offer any can refunds at all.

12. Traverse City is the tart (i.e., pie) cherry capital of the world, and hosts the week-long National Cherry Festival each July.

13. Battle Creek, a city well-known to anyone who ever sent off for a prize earned by saving up cereal box tops, is the cereal capital of the world due to the presence of the Kellogg Company. Kellogg's, by the way, offered its first mail-in cereal box prize back in 1909.

14. Vernor's Ginger Ale, which was created by a Detroit druggist, is possibly the oldest soft drink still on the market. It's definitely the oldest-surviving brand of ginger ale.

15. The Michigan Dogman, a kind of werewolfish-type beast, was first spotted in Wexford County in 1887 and several times thereafter. More recent sightings have mostly been linked to a 1987 radio station hoax, as well as to a related 2007 video which was later debunked on “MonsterQuest.”

16. The melon heads of Ottawa County are a whole other breed of Michigan cryptid. They were said to have originated as children with hydrocephalus who lived at an insane asylum near Holland's Felt Mansion, but they somehow mutated, went feral and escaped into the surrounding woods where they still lurk, waiting to leap out and attack.

17. The bell from the Edmund Fitzgerald, the wrecked ship made famous in a Gordon Lightfoot song, is on display at the Great Lakes Shipwreck Museum at the Whitefish Point Light Station.

18. Michigan has the nation's longest freshwater shoreline.

19. If you straightened out Lake Superior's shoreline alone, it would reach from Duluth to the Bahamas.

20. Michigan touches four out of the five great lakes, more than any other state: Huron, Michigan, Erie and Superior.

21. The J.W. Westcott II, which operates out of Detroit, is the world's only floating post office, as it delivers mail to ships as they pass under the Ambassador Bridge.

22. The Saugatuck Chain Ferry, built in 1838, is the only remaining hand-cranked chain ferry in the U.S.

23. Michigan is home to the first three tunnels in the world that connect two different countries: the St. Clair Tunnel, which connects Port Huron with Sarnia, Ontario, and the Michigan Central Railway Tunnel and Detroit Windsor Tunnel, both of which connect, you guessed it, Detroit and Windsor, Ontario.

24. Detroit residents were the first in the nation to have phone numbers. It seems that by 1879, the city had grown so large that operator were no longer able to route the calls by name alone.

25. A one-mile stretch of Detroit road was paved with concrete in 1908, making it the world's first concrete-paved road.

26. The world's largest weathervane was built by Whitehall Metal Studios of Montague. It's 48 feet tall and stands at the corner of Dowling and Water Streets.

27. The Ella Ellenwood, a schooner that used to transport lumber from Montague to Milwaukee, went down in a storm in 1901. While the ship was not recovered, its nameplate did manage to float back to Montague all on its lonesome a year later.

28. French-Canadian lumberjack Fabian Fournier, who worked for a lumber company in the Grayling area in the late 1800s, was said to be an inspiration for the legendary Paul Bunyan.

29. Oscoda claims to be the official hometown of the literary Paul Bunyan, as the first published story about him appeared in the Oscoda Press in 1906. Oscoda puts on an annual Paul Bunyan Festival each September.

30. Ossineke has a giant statue of Paul Bunyan and Babe, his blue ox. Unlike certain other statues of Babe, in this one he really is an ox, aka a steer.

31. The Frederik Meijer Gardens and Sculpture Park in Grand Rapids has a 24 foot high bronze equestrian statue that, while completed in the 1990s, was based on a design by Leonardo DaVinci.
32. Petoskey stones, which are the state stones of Michigan, are made from 350 million-year-old fossilized limestone.

33. The Detroit metro area sits atop a gigantic salt mine. According to some estimates, there's enough salt down there to last for 70 million years at the world's current rate of consumption. Pass the potato chips!

34. The nation's first tribally-owned casino was Kings Club Casino, operated by the Ojibwe Indians of Bay Mills.

35. During the war of 1812, Detroit was hotly-contested territory. It was surrendered to the British in 1812, but the first attempt to retake the city in 1813 resulted in the River Raisin Massacre, which had the highest number of American casualties of any battle of the war. Detroit was finally recovered some nine months later during the Battle of Lake Erie.

36. The Cross in the Woods Catholic shrine in Indian River has a 31-foot high crucifix, the largest one in the world.

37. The nation as a whole learned how to spell the name of Kalamazoo (well, sort of) in 1942 when the Glen Miller song "(I've Got a Gal in) Kalamazoo" hit the top of the charts.

38. The Kalamazoo Mall was the first outdoor pedestrian shopping mall in the United States.

39. Kalamazoo was also the original home of Gibson Guitars, and a budget model produced in the ’60s and ’70s was called the Kalamazoo.

40. A Roseville man who dropped a couple of F-bombs after falling out of his canoe was convicted in 1999 under a law that had been on the books since 1897 prohibiting “indecent, immoral, obscene, vulgar or insulting language in the presence or hearing of any woman or child.” In 2002 the conviction was overturned by the Michigan Court of Appeals, and the law was struck down at the same time.

41. It is still against the law in Michigan, however, to “contumeliously reproach” God, assuming you can even figure out what that means.

42. In 2008, the city of Flint passed a law that gave police the authority to arrest anyone whose pants sagged so low as to expose their undies or bare butts. The local plumber's union has evidently declined to comment (or comply).

43. Brighton and Grand Rapids have laws against being annoying, although Grand Rapids, obviously unwilling to foot the bill for jailing its entire populace, is planning to abolish that law ASAP.

44. Grand Rapids itself became very, very annoyed by a 2011 “Newsweek” website article that listed it as one of “America's Dying Cities” and fought back by making a video featuring practically everyone in town lyp-synching to the song “American Pie.” The video went viral on YouTube, which prompted “Newsweek” to disclaim the original article.

45. The original name of the University of Michigan, which was founded in 1817, was Catholepistemiad. Yeah, try chanting that at a football game.

46. The University of Michigan has been nicknamed the “Harvard of the West,” which led Harvard alum JFK, in a speech he delivered during a 1961 campus visit, to refer to himself as a graduate of the “Michigan of the East.”

47. Famous UM grads include Scopes trial defense attorney Clarence Darrow, Swedish diplomat-turned-Holocaust hero Raoul Wallenberg, Vader-voicing actor James Earl Jones, material girl Madonna and former prez Gerald R. Ford.

48. Michigan State University was the first agricultural college in the U.S.

49. MSU's got its own illustrious alums, including the famously missing former Teamsters leader Jimmy Hoffa, actor Robert Urich, director Sam Raimi and NBA superstar Magic Johnson.

50. Edsel Ford, son of Henry (and no relation to Gerald R.), may forever be associated with Detroit's biggest flop, but he died 14 years before the line of cars bearing his name came out. Edsel himself would most likely have done a much better job with the design—he was, after all, responsible for the body of the super-successful Model A, as well as its braking and transmission systems.

51. Grand Haven is famous for its “singing sand” beaches, which make a whistling sound when you walk on them.

52. Hamtramck has an annual Paczki Day celebration devoted to the greater glory of this Polish version of a jelly doughnut.

George carlin one of my favorites had a good quote about why you can't have the ten commandments in a courtroom... "The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal", "Thou shalt not commit adultery", and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment." Lets expand on that and say the real reason we can't have the ten commandments on geni is much the same way because you can't post thou shelt not steal one's work thou shelt not lie thou shelt not commit a sin by screwing over others work in a building full of lawyers enginners and genologigts as it creates much the same hostile work envrimoment...

***Florida woman stops alligator attack with a small Beretta pistol. ***

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?
A Beretta Jetfire testimonial....
Here is her story in her own words:
"While out walking along the edge of a bayou just outside of Fort Lauderdale in alligator alley with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took.... The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.
It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus the amount I saved in lawyer’s fees was really incredible."

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.
The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."

The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit.
Cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"

As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman?
How did you come to the diagnosis so quickly?"

"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there?
When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash.
That was what probably was making her sick."

The younger doctor said "Pretty clever.
If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman.

She said that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said, "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."

"You've probably been doing too much for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder doctor said, "I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is most certainly correct, she's very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?"

"I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the pastor under the bed.

Growwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

These were some goood ones... Thanks for the contributions.
Norm I will pass your's on to my email group. I'm sure there will be some groans from them also.

Funny Genealogy Expressions & Slogans

▪ Definition of genealogy: When a step backward is true progress!
▪ Don’t let your family tree suffer from root rot!
▪ Finding a new ancestor is a blast from the past!
▪ Genealogist’s favorite game: Ancestor Hide and Seek.
▪ Genealogist’s favorite game show: Family Feud.
▪ Genealogist’s hunting season: 12 Midnight 1 January — 11:59 P.M. 31 December.
▪ Genealogist’s least favorite activity: Pruning the family tree!
▪ Genealogists are always in a family way!
▪ Genealogists are family tree huggers!
▪ Genealogists are forebear hunters!
▪ Genealogy is not done until the “past lady” sings!
▪ Genealogy is simply TREEific!
▪ Genealogy disease: Gensomnia.
▪ How a genealogist greets a stranger: “Are you sure we aren’t related?”
▪ How a genealogist greets another genealogist. “Would you like to join my famclub?”
▪ How a genealogist introduces his children: “I’d like you to meet my descendants!”
▪ How a genealogist introduces his parents: “Have you met my ancestors?”
▪ I’m ancestrally challenged!
▪ If you want to have some fun, say “Who’s your daddy?” to a room full of genealogists and watch the heads turn.
▪ It’s hard to be humble with ancestors like mine!
▪ Money doesn’t grow on trees—but ancestors do!
▪ Murphy’s law of genealogy: After solving a dead end ancestor mystery that consumed your entire adult life, your sister reports, “I could have told you that!”
▪ Murphy’s law of genealogy: Paying for a vital record and then finding it right under your nose!
▪ Old genealogists never die. They just haunt archives.
▪ Organization to help with genealogy addiction: AA (Ancestors Anonymous).
▪ Popular sign in a cemetery: “Dead End.”
▪ The best ancestors want to be found!
▪ The “mother lode” of genealogy is discovering a great grandmother’s maiden name.
▪ Time and genealogy wait for no man!
▪ To a genealogist, the expression “Mother Nature” takes on a whole new meaning!
▪ Transcribers of headstones generally work the graveyard shift!
▪ True genealogists wonder why the Academy Awards don’t have a category for best microfilm!
▪ Ultimate success to a genealogist: Proving that Elvis isn’t dead!
▪ What a genealogist should not say on a blind date: “Isn’t it great? I did your tree and we’re related!”
▪ You know you’re a genealogist if you find the certainty of ancestral death and tax records exciting. (Paraphrased from Ben Franklin’s “Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.”)
▪ If you think Castle Garden is something out of a fairy tale, you’re probably not a genealogist!

I Agree, we finally found out what happen to one of our gggf, he drowned,
we were all very happy...

Weird, I passes that river almost everyday and now I finally have a good reason to why I feel anxious every time I near it, they never found the body, but one day in the future they probably will, then he may be some kind of future Ötzi and that would be fun, I guess that they also will discover that he was murdered because I find it almost impossible to
drown there, the river is long but narrow, and not at all deep but it has the rare condition of being able to change direction, called bifurcation.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f1/Kvilleb%C3...

OH NOOOOOOO
▪ Murphy’s law of genealogy: After solving a dead end ancestor mystery that consumed your entire adult life, your sister reports, “I could have told you that!”

Thanks for the Advice
▪ What a genealogist should not say on a blind date: “Isn’t it great? I did your tree and we’re related!”

River picture is very pretty

In Honor of the North Texas Irish Festival www.ntif.org this weekend in Dallas

. . . . . . .

What is the Difference Between a Redhead and a Terrorist?

. . . . . .Wait For It . . . . . . .

You can Negotiate with a Terrorist!
. . . .

I Do you Love you RED’s