Genealogy Humor

GENEALOGIST STEW

Take 1 Curious Beginner
Add 1 Age Discrepancy
1 Unreadable Microfiche
1 Census Record written in "Disappearing ink"
Fold in
1 ton of correspondence and simmer while awaiting answers to queries ... And that my friends, is enough to make any Genealogist Stew.
Author Unknown

This one may generate some disagreement -- men vs. women... Hope you chuckle or say "oh, yah!" as you read thru this one. I will admit that men MIGHT be good for a little more than what this claims...

Men and Women

WOMEN
Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point. Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable.

Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!

Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.

MEN
Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and killing spiders.

Yeppers

*********************​Why God made moms​***********************

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Norm, this was fantastic!!! I will share it with my email "family" closer to Mother's Day.

The Winter Boots -
(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her pupils put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling, and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on.

By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said,

'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.'

She looked, and sure enough, they were.

Unfortunately, it wasn't any easier pulling the boots off, than it was putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.

He then announced,

'These aren't my boots.'

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream,

'Why didn't you say so?'

Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.

No sooner had they got the boots off when he said,

'They're my brother's boots. But my Mom made me wear 'em today.'

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.

But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots BACK onto his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked,

'Now, where are your mittens?'

He said,

'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'

She'll be eligible for parole in three years.

My, oh, my!!! Tooooooooooooo funny!!! I'll bet she checks the toes of boots in the future if she has to help a student just to keep her sanity!!!

Questions to Ponder… 3

1. If nothing sticks to Teflon, how does Teflon stick to the pan?
2. How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
3. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
4. What's another word for thesaurus?
5. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
6. What do they use to ship Styrofoam?
7. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
8. Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
9. Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
10. How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
11. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
12. Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?
13. When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
14. Does fuzzy logic tickle?
15. Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
16. Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
17. Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
18. If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
19. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
20. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
21. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
22. Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?
23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
25. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
26. 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... Coincidence?
27. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

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Good Funny Stuff--------Apolitical Aphorisms (2)
People
Janeway Riley
To
Undisclosed-Recipient@
Today at 2:58 PM
If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~Jay Leno~

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII~

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
~Aesop~

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union
speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. ~Will Rogers~

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where
there is no river. ~Nikita Khrushchev~

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm
beginning to believe it. ~ Pete Sheltz ~

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your
opponents will do it for you. ~Author unknown~

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go
out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton~

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds
from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar
Ameringer~

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I
will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952~

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~ Tex
Guinan~

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be
left to the politicians. ~Charles de Gaulle~

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to
change the locks. ~Doug Larson~

There ought to be one day -- just one -- when there is open season on
Congressmen. ~Will Rogers~

Susan, there were some really good ones there!!!

Here are some thought that will make you go: "Hmmmmmmm, why is that?" Some may even result in a chuckle or two...

Funny Thoughts To Ponder 3
1. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
2. Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?
3. If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?
4. Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.?
5. Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
6. Do Siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
7. Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
8. Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
9. Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?
10. If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?
11. If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, why does it not go bad inside the cow?
12. What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?
13. How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
14. Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?
15. What was Captain Hook's name before he got the hook?
16. How fast do hotcakes sell?
17. Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you without your clothes on anyway.
18. Where does the toe tag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?
19. If your driving a federally owned car, and you run a stop sign, is it considered a felony?
20. Why do people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every few hours?
21. Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commercials that says "Not available in all states"?

Jack Jackson complain to his doctor that his stomach goes every morning at
five.
That is very good, you are lucky to have such regular times.

No , no doctor you do not understand. I usually wake up at six .

The doctor
- Your husband doesn't really look good.
Wife:
- Yes I know, but he had a lot of money.

HOW OLD IS GRANDPA? (My late husband's 93-year-old cousin sent this.)

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events. The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general..

The Grandfather replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before: television, penicillin polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees, and the pill There were no credit cards laser beams or ball-point pens Man had not invented pantyhose, air conditioners , dishwashers, clothes dryers and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and space travel was only in Flash Gordon books.

Your Grandmother and I got married first,... and then lived together.. Every family had a father and a mother. Until I was 25, I called every woman older than me, "mam". And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, "Sir." We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Bible, good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions. Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege...

We thought fast food was eating half a biscuit while running to catch the school bus. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started. Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios. And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey. The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.... Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of. We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents. Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.
And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards. You could buy a new Ford Coupe for $600, ... but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day: "grass" was mowed, "coke" was a cold drink, "pot" was something your mother cooked in, and "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby. "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office, "chip" meant a piece of wood, "hardware" was found in a hardware store and "software" wasn't even a word.And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap. or from the archives

How old do you think I am?

This man would be only 70 years old.

Susan, That is good. I am a bit older so I believe I can add a few more things.

In South Africa we have a saying (Usually taught to children) If you want to pee you say I want to whistle. (The Afrikaans word is "Fluit") The older people usually do not know the expression and they just call it by the name.

A little boy was sleeping over at his Grandparents and in the night he wake his grandfather and said that he want to whistle. The grandfather request to wait till morning otherwise you will wake Grandmother. But I must the boy replied.

Ok if you MUST Whistle in my ear.

It would be weird in Swedish Dries, guess you do not need any translation...

flöjta
(vulgärt) onanera
(vardagligt) urinera

I had a good laugh at these!!!

Susan, I've seen one similar about 'How old grandmother was' with many of the same points--she was in her 60's. I'm in my late 60's and can identify with many of the thoughts expressed by grandpa... It is too bad that many of those things & ideas aren't prevalent today!!! Progress is sometimes good, but then again...

Dries, sometimes calling something by another name can have negative results as the grandparent learned!!!

Many of you may be very familiar with the metric system & even use it daily, but I found this and thought many of you would enjoy learning about some alternate metric units. Those here in America where the metric system is less used, may you enjoy adding to your metric knowledge... Hopefully everyone will chuckle a few times as you read this!!!

Metric System--Lesser-known Units

Despite never having adopted the metric system for day-to-day use, Americans are familiar with the basic units, like grams, kilograms, meters and such. But when it comes to lesser-known units we're clueless. To help the educational process along a bit... 



* 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope 


* Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi 


* 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton 


* Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond 


* 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling 


* Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon 


* 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz 


* Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower 


* Shortest distance between two jokes = 1 straightline 


* 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake 


* 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone 


* 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles 


* 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds 


* 52 cards = 1 decacards 


* 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton
* 1,000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen 


* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche 


* 10 rations = 1 decoration 


* 100 rations = 1 C-ration 


* 4 nickels = 1 paradigm 


* 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

Memento

Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" 


Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair." 


Friend: "But your husband is still alive." 


Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone."

Middle Age

A few thoughts to make you realize that we're not wine when it comes to aging.
1. Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
2. There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.
3. You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
4. Middle age is when work is a lot less fun -- and fun a lot more work.
5. Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that the darnedest time for a guy to get those odds?
6. You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.
7. Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
8. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
9. Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
10. Of course I'm against sin. I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy.
11. A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
12. Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
13. You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
14. At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.
15. Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
16. The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
17. You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
18. You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.
19. You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
20. The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
21. It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
22. You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

Here is another one directed to those in Mid-Life. Hope you enjoy it.

Mid-Life Thoughts
From a friend - for the ladies.

I can almost feel myself losing weight... by forwarding this to you! You'll understand at the end.

I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be. Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck), you'll probably relate.

1. Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache or chin whiskers.

2. In mid-life women no longer have upper arms; we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying squirrels in drag.

3. Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.

4. Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

5. Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, 'Listen honey, the Roman Empire fell and those will too.'

6. Mid -life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

7. Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: 'For this I have stretch marks?'

8. In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.

9. Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

10. Mid-life means that you become more reflective, you start pondering the 'big' questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

11. But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

Send this to four women and you will lose two pounds.

Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew), and you will lose 10 pounds.

If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately. (That's why I had to pass this on - I didn't want to risk deleting this.)

Life is uncertain... eat dessert first!!!

************THE BACK NINE***************

I FIRST STARTED READING THIS EMAIL & WAS READING FAST UNTIL I REACHED THE THIRD SENTENCE. I STOPPED AND STARTED OVER READING SLOWER AND THINKING ABOUT EVERY WORD. THIS IS VERY THOUGHT PROVOKING. MAKES YOU STOP AND THINK. READ SLOWLY!.....AND THEN IT IS WINTER......

....You know ......... time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.
But, here it is... the back nine of my life and it catches me by surprise...
How did I get here so fast?
Where did the years go and where did my youth go?
I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that I was only on the first hole and the back nine was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like.
But, here it is...my friends are retired and getting gray...they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me...but, I see the great change...Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd become.
Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit!
...And so...now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though I’m on the back nine, and I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over on this earth...it's over. A new adventure will begin!
Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime.
So, if you're not on the back nine yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long!! Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether you’re on the back nine or not!
You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!!
"Life" is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one.
LIVE IT WELL! ENJOY TODAY! DO SOMETHING FUN! BE HAPPY ! HAVE A GREAT DAY... Remember...
"It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.

LASTLY, CONSIDER THIS:

~Your kids are becoming you......but your grandchildren are perfect!

~Going out is good.. Coming home is better!

~You forget names.... But it's OK because some people forgot they even knew you!!!

~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything like golf.

~The things you used to care to do, you aren't as interested in anymore, but you really do care that you aren't as interested.

~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV 'ON' than in bed. It's called "pre-sleep".

~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..

~You tend to use more 4 letter words ... "what?"..."when?"... ???

~You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody whispers...always...

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet.... 2 of which you will never wear.

~~~But Old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all,OLD FRIENDS!!

... It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived.

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN; YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS!!!

Awesome & Powerful!!! Thanks for the reminders about live... Old age is AT LEAST 10-15 years older than me!!!

*****A few little tidbits of info....some of which you already know.....

Glass takes one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!

Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years.

Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end.

If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.

Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals.

Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.

The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.

Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent.

Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450F.

The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.

Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean.

The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man.

Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density.

The University of Alaska spans four time zones.

The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.

In ancient Greece, tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted.

Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday.

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

A comet's tail always points away from the sun.

The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent.

Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.

The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.

If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.

When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight.

In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed.

Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside.

Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams.

The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year.

The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust.

Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters.

Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy.

Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down.

Everything weighs one percent less at the equator.

For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift-off.

The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.

Some very interesting bits of info!!!
-Hearing is the last sense to go--this is why it is soooo important to talk to a person who is unconscious--you never know what they will hear (& remember!)--have heard of cases where an unconscious person thought to be dying, recovered & changed his/her will because of what he/she heard... (oooops!!!)
-Soldiers not walking "in step" on a bridge--I think Mythbusters disproved this one...

Young couple with new born baby visited grandmother in the old age home to show off the baby. While there they have to change the diapers. Looking on Grandma asks "what is it a girl or a boy" Oh , is grandma`s sight so bad. the granddaughter asked.

No no child it`s my memory that fails.

In South Africa we have 11 official languages. Afrikaans and English are the most comely used. (mostly every body understands it) The Afrikaans words for "Thank you" are " Baie dankie" when pronounced it sounds for the untrained ear like " Buy a Donkey" now it often happens that a tourist asks . Where will I get one. Who will look after it . Why , to do what with.

The story also goes world wide that we are selling all or donkeys.

If you want to be scolded in all eleven languages . Just dare to fart in an overloaded minibus taxi on a hot day.

Here’s how someone has described a limerick:

"The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I’ve seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical."