Genealogy Humor

Very Funny & Unusual Commercial....

http://www.youtube.com/embed/pfxB5ut-KTs?rel=0

Honesty is sometimes a handicap!!!!!
Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favourite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals ........very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favourite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...

I love Chicken anyway it comes even in its shell. I even boil my egg in my coffee water to have more of a taste.

Norm, I laughed at the commercial-- it was great!!! Wonder how they got the children to make all of those moves.

Colleen, I also like fried chicken... That teacher has no sense of humor.

Dries, I don't know that I would go that far!!!

Yep to Fried Chicken from me too!!!....dumb teacher...If I said Lamb Chops and/or Hot Dogs where would that get me?....busy principal!

This one is a little naughty, so be aware. I hope you laugh anyway!

How Old am I?

A man decided to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spent $5,000 and felt really good about the results. On his way home, he stopped at a newsstand and bought a paper.



Before leaving, he said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"



"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.

The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".

"I am actually 47."



Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.

She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.

Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You're 47."



Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"

The old lady replies, "I was standing in line behind you at McDonalds."

"Ramblings of a Retired Mind"

*I found this timely, because today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses.
A young lady walks over to me and asks, "What brings you in today?"
I looked at her, and said, I'm interested in buying a refrigerator."
She didn't quite know how to respond.
Am I getting to be that age?

*I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So I'm wearing my garage door opener.

*I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call "blue teeth", I think.

*You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

*I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

*I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

*I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it 'Pumping Rust'.

* I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

*When people see a cat's litter box they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'
Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'

*Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency.
I think you should write, 'An ambulance.'

*I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.
Then it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals.
As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

*Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then crap on your car.

*The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

*The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

*Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

*The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

*Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells'Theirs...'

*Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me. I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

*You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

*Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.

*Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

Loving Spouse

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office for his checkup. Afterwards, the doctor took his wife aside and said, "Unless you do the following things, your husband will surely die." The doctor then went on to say, "Here's what you need to do. Every morning make sure you serve him a good healthy breakfast. Meet him at home each day for lunch so that you can serve him a well-balanced meal. Make sure that you feed him a good hot meal each evening and don't overburden him with any stressful conversation, nor ask him to perform any household chores. Also, keep the house spotless and clean so that he doesn't get exposed to any threatening germs."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor said.

She replied, "He said that you're going to die."

I hope that those who follow this discussion will also periodically check the Picture Board for Genealogy Humor Discussion for cartoons/pix that are there. I will try to add some every few days. There are around 16 in there now. If you have some good ones I hope you will add them there. I don't know if there is an easier way to add pix/cartoons there or not, but here is how I have been doing it so far:

1) Go to the box to the Rt of the the laughing face & click on "Photos & Doc"
2) Check out the pix there...
3) To add--click on the "Add Pix" --when the gray box comes up be sure to indicate where you want them to go in your own pix gallery you also want it to go (I started a file: Geni Humor Discussion Pix")
4) Drag your pix/cartoon to the gray box and drop it. Repeat as needed.
5) I double check afterwards just to be sure the pix/cartoon(s) are there once I have finished adding all of the ones I intended.

Questions to Ponder… 4

1. In synchronized swimming, if the first drowns, do the rest follow?
2. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
3. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
4. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
5. Shouldn't a man who invests all your money be called something other than a broker?
6. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
7. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
8. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
9. If 21 is pronounced twenty-one why isn't 11 pronounced onety-one?
10. If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"
11. If I play a blank tape with the volume turned up, will the mime next door go nuts?
12. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
13. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
14. Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
15. Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
16. Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
17. Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
18. If all is not lost, where is it?
19. Why are there handicap parking places in front of skating rinks?
20. Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions?
21. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
22. How much deeper would the ocean be if all the sponges didn't live there?
23. Why does the sun darken our skin but lighten our hair?
24. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
25. Why is it that when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?

Looks like humor, looks like statistics - I really didn't find the right place to put in :)

Sometime people ask me why geni shows only 1 relation path. I have now good explanation - I faind at least 2 profiles I'm connected through at least 3408 different paths :)

I put some report on http://bit.ly/MyRelationPaths

Henn :)

Wow!!!

For those in the USA, Monday is Memorial Day. Here are some comments that seem to go along with our remembering those who have given their lives for freedom. I hope you will remember the fallen heros from what ever country you live in. I hope no one will be offended by any of these "stories".

You Could Have Heard a Pin Drop

At a time when our president and other politicians tend to apologize for our country's prior actions, here's a refresher on how some of our former patriots handled negative comments about our country. These are good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JFK’S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaulle said he wanted all US Military out of France as soon as possible.

Rusk responded, "Does that include those who are buried here?"

DeGaulle did not respond.

You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When in England, at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of 'empire building' by George Bush.

He answered by saying, "Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return."

You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying, "Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intend to do, bomb them?"

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: "Our carriers have three Hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships. How many does France have?"

You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies at a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?"

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, "Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German."

You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."

The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible… Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have a safe & happy Memorial Day.

Have added some pix to: http://www.geni.com/projects/Picture-Board-for-Genealogy-Humor-Disc...

Hope you will check them out.

Funny Thoughts To Ponder 4

1. If you dug a hole through the center of the earth, and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
2. If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?
3. If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you are the main witness, what if you say "no"?
4. Do they bury people with their braces on?
5. How far east can you go before you're heading west?
6. If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?
7. Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.?
8. Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
9. Do Siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
10. Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
11. Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
12. Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?
13. If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?
14. If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, why does it not go bad inside the cow?
15. What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?
16. How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
17. Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?
18. What was Captain Hook's name before he got the hook?
19. How fast do hotcakes sell?
20. Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you without your clothes on anyway.
21. Where does the toe tag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?

Life’s Lessons

1. I’ve learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. (Age 14)
2. I’ve learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. (Age 24)
3. I’ve learned that the greater a person’s sense of guilt, the greater his need to cast blame on others. (Age 46)
4. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. (Age 53)
5. I’ve learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, try to improve your marriage. (Age 61)
6. I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. (Age 62)
7. I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. (Age 65)
8. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. (Age 66)
9. I’ve learned that everyone can use a prayer. (Age 72)
10. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. (Age 82)
11. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love human touch – holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. (Age 85)
12. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. (Age 92)

Ck the Picture Board for Genealogy Humor Discussion ... I added some pix to that project...
Pat

Is anyone checking that project out??? It is a great place to share any pix, jokes, humor, cartoons etc that are genealogy related that you may have!!! I don't know if you are aware or not, (I just discovered it) you can add more that one pix at a time...

I do check out those pics now and then.
Her's another not so funny clip on the net, I think it would be horrible if men really had periods, just as nose blood as a child wasn't enough.

If men had periods
https://youtu.be/gfqOwPuG7PA

Sooo You Really Like Those Hot Dogs???

http://biggeekdad.com/2015/05/the-barking-hot-dog/

" You won’t appreciate this unless…. you are over the age of 65!"

A few years ago, my wife and I moved into a retirement development on Florida's southeast coast. We are living in the"Delray/ Boca/Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-Hachee". There are 3,000 lakes in Florida; only three are real.
Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do all day? No longer. Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem.
Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of our car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20 minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and 1 hour to return the item the next day.
Let me take you through a typical day: We get up at 5:00 am, have a quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk-and-Fart Club. There are about 30 of us, and rain or shine, we walk around the streets, all talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6:00 am. After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next activity.
My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my 'Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my white socks and sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap. Before we know it, it's time for lunch.
We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we don't have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00.
We're usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner. People start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm, but we get there by 3:45 because we're late eaters.
The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve. We can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup and Splenda, along with mints.
At 5:30 pm we're home, ready to watch the 6 o'clock news. By 6:30 pm we're fast asleep. Then we get up and make five or six trips to the bathroom during the night, and it's time to get up and start a new day all over again.
Doctor-related activities eat up most of our retirement time. I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so I don't mind.
Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least a half-hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then there's the hold time until we're connected to the right party. Sometimes they forget we're holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch.
Should we find we still have time on our hands, volunteering provides a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate.
Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet and they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically Challenged Over 80.' I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic Avengers. The hoop is only 4-1/2 feet from the floor. You should see the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk.
Food shopping is a problem for short seniors, or 'bottom feeders' as we call them, because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves. There are many foods they've never tasted. After shopping, most seniors can't remember where they parked their cars and wander the parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.
Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive name. Italian names are very popular in Florida . They convey world travelers, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather live: Murray 's Condos or the Lakes of Venice ? There's no difference -- they're both owned by Murray, who happens to be a cheap bastard.
I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees. If I can be of any further assistance, please look me up when you're in Florida . I live in the Leaning Condos of Pisa in Boynton Beach .

MEANING OF LIFE IN 13 WORDS:

INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER PERSON WONDERING WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!

Inner Peace

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without alcohol,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

.....Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!!!

And you thought I was going to get all spiritual ..

Handle every stressful situation like a dog.

If you can't eat it or play with it...Pee on it and walk away......!!!!!

Conspiracy/Aging Issues

THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY!

We Must Stop This Immediately!!!

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper? Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually 'believe' the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning:

WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!

Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts - they are smaller than they once were.

Estevan, Saskatchewan for those who do not know - are a city and province in Canada. Sparsely populated and very much farm/ranch oriented.
Recently, during a routine patrol, an RCMP patrolman parked down the street outside a Legion Hall just off the main Street at Estevan.

After last call, the officer observed a man leaving the Legion Hall. The gentleman was so intoxicated that he could barely walk. He then stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he fell into.

He sat there for a few minutes and then threw a hook and line out the window and seemed to be trying to catch a fish. A number of other patrons paid no attention to this crazy drunk as they left the bar and drove off.

Finally the drunk started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry summer night) flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn, and switched on the headlights.

He then pulled in the hook and line and moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patron vehicles left. At last, the parking lot was empty; he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road.

The officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over. He performed a breathalyzer test on the gentleman who cooperated fully, and to his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to Headquarters. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud Saskie,"Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

Colleen, tooooooooo funny!!!! I could envision the whole story, The ending caught me by surprise!!! Just goes to show we can't always believe our eyes.

In a University Classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be Prime Minister of Canada .. It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural borne citizen of at least 35 years of age.

However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming Prime Minister. The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating, "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"

Tooooooo funny!!! Wonder if she was a blond???

A family so inbred that the family tree is a wreath.

Funny Thoughts To Ponder 5

1. If your driving a federal owned car, and you run a stop sign, is it considered a felony?
2. Why do people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every few hours?
3. Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commercials that says "Not available in all states"?
4. If you dug a hole through the center of the earth, and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
5. If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?
6. If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you are the main witness, what if you say "no"?
7. Do they bury people with their braces on?
8. How far east can you go before you're heading west?
9. If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?
10. Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.?
11. Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
12. Do Siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
13. Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
14. Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
15. Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?
16. If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?
17. If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, why does it not go bad inside the cow?
18. What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?
19. How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
20. Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?
21. What was Captain Hook's name before he got the hook?
22. Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?
23. Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if they're English?
24. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
25. What do Greeks say when they don't understand something?
26. What happens if a queen gives birth to a pair of Siamese twins? Who gets to be king?
27. Why do we recite at a play, and play at a recital?
28. Why do they call them "Free Gifts"? Aren't all gifts free?
29. Do all-boys schools have girls bathrooms? Do all-girls schools have boys bathrooms?
30. Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
31. How come cats butts go up when you pet them?
32. What would happen to the sea's water level if every boat in the World was taken out of the water at the same time?
33. If a criminal turns himself in, shouldn't he get the reward money?
34. Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins?
35. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
36. If you undergo chemotherapy do you lose your body hair?
37. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Funny Thoughts To Ponder 5
1. If your driving a federal owned car, and you run a stop sign, is it considered a felony?
2. Why do people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every few hours?
3. Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commercials that says "Not available in all states"?
4. If you dug a hole through the center of the earth, and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
5. If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?
6. If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you are the main witness, what if you say "no"?
7. Do they bury people with their braces on?
8. How far east can you go before you're heading west?
9. If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?
10. Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.?
11. Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
12. Do Siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
13. Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
14. Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
15. Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?
16. If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?
17. If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, why does it not go bad inside the cow?
18. What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?
19. How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
20. Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?
21. What was Captain Hook's name before he got the hook?
22. Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?
23. Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if they're English?
24. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
25. What do Greeks say when they don't understand something?
26. What happens if a queen gives birth to a pair of Siamese twins? Who gets to be king?
27. Why do we recite at a play, and play at a recital?
28. Why do they call them "Free Gifts"? Aren't all gifts free?
29. Do all-boys schools have girls bathrooms? Do all-girls schools have boys bathrooms?
30. Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
31. How come cats butts go up when you pet them?
32. What would happen to the sea's water level if every boat in the World was taken out of the water at the same time?
33. If a criminal turns himself in, shouldn't he get the reward money?
34. Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins?
35. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
36. If you undergo chemotherapy do you lose your body hair?
37. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Oooops!!! Don't know why my last message showed it twice!!! Looks like we need an "undo button"!!!

FYI: One can 'select & copy' the text you want to save, delete your post, then paste the saved text back in as a new post, editing as needed...