Three tortoises met again after they'd passed grade 12 two hundred years a go. Let's go for a drink to celebrate the occasion. As can be expected they all agree and set off for the nearest bar only 5 years away, After six months the waitress come to take their order. After two hours they replied we will have a nice cold beer each. After another six months she brought the beers. To their shame no one of them had money on him so the one who's home was the nearest to the bar, about three years away, render to go and fetch the money but that the other two should wait for him before starting to drink their beers.
After seven years the one said to the other one. I think something had happened to him lets start drinking. As they lift their glasses , a tortoise head look around the corner " A Ha I have been waiting for this"
THIS WILL BRING BACK MEMORIES...Happy & Funny & Sad but It's our history....
http://safeshare.tv/w/FEDEwZHZXu
Long before Robin Williams there was little jonathan & his Stick/Shtick!!!
http://biggeekdad.com/2013/04/jonathan-winters-stick/
I hope you all will check out the Picture Board for Genealogy Humor Discussion Project (click on it under the Related Projects:...). I have added close to 90 of the "Gene Toons". (I think there were a couple I didn't include.) Is Wendell Washer in Geni??? He is the creator of the GENE TOONS cartoons. I have a feeling that there are toooooo many of them that you will be able to relate to and then laugh or chuckle at his cartoon that relates to the comment underneath it.
I hope you all will also add some cartoons or other pix to that project also. You must have come across some humorous genealogy related "cartoons" also.
Have a great day and laugh a lot--it will make others wonder what you are up to...
Funny Thoughts To Ponder 6
1. How fast do hotcakes sell?
2. Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you without your clothes on anyway.
3. Where does the toe tag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?
4. If your driving a federal owned car, and you run a stop sign, is it considered a felony?
5. Why do people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every few hours?
6. Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commercials that says "Not available in all states"?
7. If you dug a hole through the center of the earth, and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
8. If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?
9. If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you are the main witness, what if you say "no"?
10. Do they bury people with their braces on?
11. How far east can you go before you're heading west?
12. How does a real estate company sell its office without causing confusion?
13. Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?
14. If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?
15. Do prison buses have emergency exits?
16. Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?
17. When lightning strikes the ocean, why don't all the fish die?
18. When two men get married to each other, do they both go to the same bachelor party?
19. If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack, should they save him?
20. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
21. If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?
22. Who was Sadie Hawkins?
23. Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground?
24. When crazy people walk through the forest, do they take the psycho path?
25. If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?
26. If a parsley farmer loses a lawsuit, do they garnish his wages?
27. Can a cemetery raise its prices and blame it on the cost of living?
28. Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?
29. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
30. What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?
One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, & headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant & asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'
The blonde said it was hers.
'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.
The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.'
The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'
'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning.'
The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'
The blonde looked at the cop & said, 'Well, go ahead...
... I always wanted a police dog!!!!!'
We have all read those product warnings. Some have you scratching your head as they seem to be common sense! They make you wonder what prompted the warning... obviously some idiot without common sense!!!
Here are some that will have you scratching or shaking your head... and hopefully provide a few chuckles also!!!
Questionable Product Labels
Sainsbury's Salted peanuts
** Warning: Contains nuts.
American Airlines peanut packet
** Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
Hair dryer:
** Do not use while sleeping.
Dial soap:
** Use like regular soap.
Frozen dinner
** Serving suggestion: Defrost.
Bottom of dessert box:
** Do not turn upside down.
Bread pudding
** Product will be hot after heating.
Clothes Iron
** Do not iron clothes on body.
Nytol
Warning:
** May cause drowsiness.
Kitchen knife
** Warning: Keep out of children.
Christmas lights
** For indoor or outdoor use only.
A Swedish Chainsaw
** Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom)
** Do not turn upside down.
A child's Superman costume
** Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
A Japanese food processor
** Not to be used for the other use.
Boot's Children Cough Medicine
** Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
But without these warnings the companies risk to be sued after accidents, I remember one incident that happened in USA , a family had just bought a big house car, while driving the woman pushed the *autopilot and went back to cook some dinner, (* cruise control (ACC), lane-change assistance, and electronic stability control (ESC)) of course the equipage run off the road and crashed, she survived and sued the company that had built the camper, and yes, they hadn't written down that the driver couldn't leave the steering wheel while driving, so she won the case: The world is full of idiots that really should not be compensated for their lack of knowledge. It is also almost impossible to foresee all the crazy thing that they might do with products.
I am speaking about our local supermarket at Hentiesbay, Namibia, and the labels" to be used before (and date the thing is obviously becoming poisonous) I Like strong cheese and want to buy it at a discount just before the last day but I never caught them out. Everything Cheese, Vienna's and what ever product just disappear to appear in some other new product like some kind of bread roll stuffed with every thing you can think of
You just cant win.
In South Africa a hundred years or so ago lions was still roaming all over the country and there were always conflicts between lions and farmers. It so happened that a farmer one day shot a lioness and the next day they found a male cub of about three days near the place.
The farmer took the cub home and put him with a pig sow who had littered the previous day. She adopted him as one of her own. With time the farmer sell of all the pigs except one that had become a big friend of the Lion. They named the lion David and the pig Jonathan . They both become two big grown up animals. a Corner in the barn become there sleeping place always lying close together.
.
One day when the farmer was on his way home from town he see something unthinkable David was stalking Jonathan and from the way he does it you can see that he meant trouble. The farmer stop his horse cart took the whip and walk up to David and get in a few good lashes before he run into the bushes .
When he outspanned the horses and went into the barn. What did he see David fast asleep in his usual place.
20 Hilarious Warning Labels
Collected by Will and Guy
From: http://www.guy-sports.com/virtual/warnings.htm
1. Do not use house paint on face. Seen on TV in a Visa commercial that depicts an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store.
2. Do not drive cars in ocean. Seen in a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean.
3. Always drive on roads. Not on people. Taken from a car commercial which shows a vehicle 'body-surfing' at a concert.
4. Take care: new non-slip surface. A sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building.
5. Do not sit under coconut trees. A sign on a coconut palm in a car park.
6. These rows reserved for parents with children. A sign in a church.
7. All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for. A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.
8. Malfunction: Too less water. A notice left on a coffee machine.
9. Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone. On a form in a clinic.
10. You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. On a bag of Fritos.
11. Fits one head. On a hotel-provided shower cap box.
12. Payment is due by the due date. On a credit card statement.
13. No small children. On a Laundromat triple washer.
14. Toilet Plunger - Caution: Do not use near power lines.
15. Dremel Electric Rotary Tool - This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
16. Stridex Foaming Face Wash - May contain foam.
17. Earplugs - These earplugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe.
18. Pine Mountain Fire Logs - Caution: Risk of fire.
19. Air Conditioner - Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
20. Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish. Found on a bottle of shampoo for dogs.
Diaper Names
I know you have been lying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as “Luvs”, “Huggies,” and “Pampers”, while undergarments for old people are called “Depends.”
Well here is the low down on the whole thing.
When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv’em, Hug’em and Pamper’em.
When old people crap in their pants, it “Depends” on who’s in the will!!!
Glad I got that straightened out so you can rest your mind.
What does a 100 year old smell like ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .................................................................................................................................................................................................................... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++++++++++++++++ -------------------------------------------------------------
DEPENDS
Asked me about diapers I speak about the old cotton kind that kind that we use to reuse and reuse. When we travel by car we usually take a bucket with a lid and just throw the dirty ones in till we reach our destination.
Brother' when you open it after two days . Don't inhale , just run for your life.
Found these & thought you might find them interesting also... Not exactly humorous, but then again...
Curious British Laws (The Real Ones)
http://www.britainexplorer.com/curious-british-laws.html
** Every county in the world seems to have a collection of strange laws that are bizarre, outdated or just plain wrong, even to the people who live there. Britain is no exception and it quite probable that you may have already heard of some of these as the BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) held a competition some years ago to see which of these laws the public felt were the most stupid.
** Sadly, the time has come to sort out the wheat from the chaff. (Truth from the nonsense.) There are many lists circulating on the Internet that claim to be true but are not but are the result of one website just repeating another. The truth is that some of the laws are now repealed, others have twisted the actual law to make it more interesting and some are simply urban myths. This is what we found out but we're still open to correction if you have hard evidence.
1. MP’s are not allowed to wear armour in parliament.
** It turns out that this a true. The 1313 Statute [Coming armed to Parliament]: The Act forbids the wearing of armour by members of Parliament when attending in the House and has never been repealed.
2. It is still an offence to beat or shake any carpet rug or mat in any street in the Metropolitan Police District, although you are allowed to shake a doormat before 8am.
** Strangely, this law actually turned out to be true under the Metropolitan Police Act 1839, section 60 and for other districts; Town Police Clauses Act 1847, section 28. The following five laws were also initiated by the same section 28 and are still in force.
3. It is illegal to keep a pigsty in front of your house (Unless duly hidden).
4. It is illegal to erect a washing line across any street.
5. It is illegal to sing any profane or obscene song or ballad in any street.
6. It is illegal to willfully and wantonly disturb people by ringing their doorbells or knocking at their doors - Even if it has a cute name like Ding Dong Ditch, Knock Knocky or Ring and Run.
7. It is illegal to order or permit any servant to stand on the sill of any window to clean or paint it.
8. It is an offence for the keeper of a place of public resort to permit drunkenness in the house. Further, under the Licensing Act 2003, section 140, it is an offence to allow disorderly conduct and under section 141 it is an offence to sell alcohol to an intoxicated person. (LCSLPR*)
** However, urban myth often describes this law as: It is illegal to be drunk in a public house. No ... you're allowed to get drunk it's actually the pub owner who is liable to get into trouble. Well that's a relief.
9. The Easter Act 1928 provides that, in the United Kingdom, the Channel Islands and the Isle of Man, Easter Day shall be a fixed day in each year, viz. the first Sunday after the second Saturday in April. The Act has been on the statute book for 62 years but has never been brought into force. (LCSLPR*).
10. Under the Metropolitan Police Act 1839 no person (other than persons acting in obedience to lawful authority) is to discharge any cannon or other firearm of greater caliber than a common fowling-piece within 300 yards of any dwelling house to the annoyance of any inhabitant thereof. Maximum penalty: £200 fine. (LCSLPR*)
11. An employer cannot give a (subjective) bad reference, as this may constitute libel. They can choose not to give one at all or be non-committal, but they can't give a bad one.
** This is largely true but more complicated than the legal shorthand that often gets quoted. An employer can provide whatever reference they like but should not say anything that is negative that they would not be prepared to defend in court-of-law as the recipient of the reference has the right to sue for defamation of character or plain libel. As the libel laws of Britain are quite strict, employers often opt for the simple don't say anything bad approach.
12. The Metropolitan Streets Act 1867 prohibits the driving or conducting of any cattle through any street between the hours of 10.00 in the morning and 7.00 in the evening (except with the permission of the Commissioner of Police). The maximum penalty is a £200 fine for each head of cattle. (LCSLPR*)
13. It is illegal to eat Mute Swan unless you're the Queen of Great Britain. The Queen and two livery companies (Vitners and Dryers) own all the Mute Swans in England and only the Queen and her invited diners may actually eat them as can guests of St. John's College Cambridge.
** This is strictly speaking true but much more complicated than it seems and has a great deal to do with which swans are marked and which are unmarked. In particular, the Mute Swan is officially a protected species and therefore nobody is legally allowed to kill them for the purpose of eating them. Mute swans are protected under the wildlife and countryside act of 1981. Anyone found guilty of killing them faces a £5,000 fine or up to six months in prison. We're not sure if this law applies to the ruling monarch of the United Kingdom.
14. It is illegal to use a television in Britain without a license.
** The BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) is a state-based entity that provides a national and international broadcasting service. It is largely funded by the license fee which allows it to put standards of programming ahead of purely commercial interests and makes possible the production of programmes that would not be otherwise financially viable. Even so, the question of whether there should be a license fee remains a hotly debated topic.
15. It is an offense to be intoxicated (drunk) and in charge of a cow in Scotland.
** The law is part of the (alcohol) Licensing Act of 1872 and actually also includes horses and steam engines. It allegedly carries a penalty fine of up to 1,200 GBP excluding the costs of looking after the cow, horse, etc.
16. Under the terms of the Protection of Wrecks Order 2003: A person shall not enter the hull of the Titanic without permission from the Secretary of State.
17. Under the terms of the Polish Potatoes (Notification) in England Order - 2004: No person shall, in the course of business, import into England potatoes which he knows to be or has reasonable cause to suspect to be Polish potatoes.
18. It is apparently an offense to activate your burglar alarm and leave the property if you haven't nominated a key-holder who can access your house to switch off your siren should it go off.
** This is apparently a fairly recent addition to British law and was established under the terms of the Clean Neighborhoods and Environment Act - 2005 / Part 7.
19. Under the terms of a bye-law it is illegal to "Jump" the queue in the tube ticket hall. Any person directed by a notice to queue (or when asked to queue by an authorized person) shall join the rear of the queue and obey the reasonable instructions of any authorized person.
** The original law which is now largely defunct stated: "The King shall have throughout the realm, whales and great sturgeons taken in the sea or elsewhere within the realm, except in certain places privileged by the King."
** This clearly included any of these creatures that were stranded or found dead on a beach that was not exempt from this ruling (for example private land). The rule was taken to mean that whales and sturgeons should first be offered to the king who could then decide what should be done with them. Naturally, the Monarch was often busy and it fell to the "Receiver of Wreck" to decide on his behalf. In practice the Receiver of Wreck no longer offers the whale to the Monarch and doesn't expect to have beached whales reported to his office. However, he still does offer all sturgeons. In reality all beached whales or strandings should be reported to the Natural History Museum - although in practice you are likely to get a faster response from the local police.
** This should not be confused with "Sturgeon's Laws" which are similar to some of the "Murphy's Laws" and states: (1) "Nothing is always absolutely so" and (2) "Ninety percent of everything is crud" or "Ninety percent of everything is crap."
21. A horn should not be sounded when stationary on a road at anytime, other than at times of danger due to another vehicle on or near the road.
** While this is true it only makes this list because it is quoted so often. In fact, "A horn should only be used when warning someone of danger, not to indicate your annoyance at a manner of driving" ... whether or not the car is parked. This is a standard requirement in many countries. https://www.askthe.police.uk/content/Q406.htm
22. In London, it is illegal for a person (knowingly) with the plague to flag down a taxi or try and ride on a bus. (Sort of True)
** This is somewhat true as the law prohibits any person who knows that they have a notifiable disease (including the plague) from entering any form of public conveyance (taxi) without first telling the driver of the conveyance. Actually, the taxi driver can then still agree to transport them so long as he (or she) then has the taxi immediately disinfected. This is part of the Public Health (Control of Disease) Act 1984, sections 33 and 34: Public Conveyances. Some of the other notifiable diseases listed do indeed include, plague, rabies, food poisoning and leprosy.
** However, when it comes to notifiable diseases and busses just forget it as it is against the law for a bus driver to allow you onboard. We're not sure if it infringes his or her human rights to try and stop you as by doing so will knowingly expose him or her to your disease? Curious law!
23. A person shall be guilty of an offence if he uses for trade an automatic rail-weighbridge to which there is affixed a disqualification sticker.
** Seriously, who cares!
24. It is illegal for a cab in the City of London to carry rabid dogs or corpses.
** See point 22 for the section on rabies. However it is worth adding that where this occurs the responsibility becomes that of the dog's owner assuming that he or she doesn't yet have rabies themselves in which case whether or not the dog (dead or alive) becomes irrelevant.
** On the subject of corpses this law is unclear. There are many cases of a person dying while traveling in a taxi but no known cases of the taxi driver suddenly stopping and dragging the poor recently deceased person out of the taxi and tossing them onto the pavement. This sounds like a twisting of the facts. There may be some laws that corpse that haven't died in transit may have to be moved only in a special vehicle such as a hearse or an ambulance. We'll look into it.
25. It is illegal to avoid telling the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing.
** Again ... this is somewhat true but the actual law has had its wording twisted to make it seem funnier. The actual law require a person to disclose schemes that are deliberately designed to avoid tax which would otherwise be due to the HM Customs and Revenue. It is an oversimplification of the Tax Avoidance Scheme 2006, S.I. 2006 No 1543. (LCSLPR*)
26. It is illegal under the terms of the Prohibition and Inspections Act of 1998 to cause a nuclear explosion.
** Well ... that's a pretty good idea! But ... why it had to be a special law though is a mystery.
Ancestry and Roots ~ 41-50
41. As a guy develops and practices his masculinity, he is accompanied by an invisible male chorus of all the other guys, who hiss or cheer as he attempts to approximate the masculine ideal, who push him to sacrifice more of his humanity for the sake of his masculinity, and who ridicule him when he holds back. The chorus is made up of all the guy’s comrades and rivals, his buddies and bosses, his male ancestors and his male cultural heroes—and above all, his father, who may have been a real person in his life, or may have existed only as the myth of the man who got away. ~ Frank Pittman
42. I know that the White House was designed by [James] Hoban, a noted Irish-American architect, and I have no doubt that he believed by incorporating several features of the Dublin style he would make it more homelike for any president of Irish descent. It was a long wait, but I appreciate his efforts. ~ John F Kennedy, 35th US President, Addressing the Irish Parliament in Dublin, assembled in a Georgian mansion that was the seat of Kennedy’s maternal ancestors, NY Times 28 Jun 63, Simpson’s Contemporary Quotations, compiled by James B. Simpson.
43. I am sure my bones would not rest in an English grave, or my clay mix with the earth of that country. I believe the thought would drive me mad on my death-bed could I suppose that any of my friends would be base enough to convey my carcass back to her soil. I would not even feed her worms if I could help it. ~ George Gordon Noel Byron
44. Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name. ~ Etheridge Knight
45. Our forebears labored without wages. They made cotton "king." And yet out of a bottomless vitality, they continued to thrive and develop. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
46. Heritage is Scriptures . . . which have become absorbed into our blood. ~ Sholem Asch
47. Thou best philosopher, who yet dost keep/ Thy heritage, thou eye among the blind. ~ William Wordsworth
48. When kids don't learn about their own heritage in school, they just don't care about school . . . But you won't see it in the history books unless we get the power to write our own history and tell our story ourselves. ~ Miles Davis
49. You must begin to define yourself. You must begin to define your Black heritage. ~ H. Rap Brown
50. You notice patterns. White guests often are mortified - that word again - when they learn their ancestors owned slaves. But I’ve never had a black guest who was upset to learn about white ancestry that probably involved forced sexual relations. ~ Henry Louis Gates
I found these quite interesting... Hope you do also--and chuckle a few times as you read thru the list.
The Correct Definitions!!!
ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN:
A grape with a sunburn.
SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
And MY Personal Favorite!
WRINKLES:
Something other people have; similar to my character lines.
Fallacies - Setting Them Straight
It's time for some of our world-renowned fallacies. You can get trivia anywhere, but only Dribbleglass.com sets the record straight about popular widely held misconceptions and misinformation.
*~* No witches were burned during the Salem Trials of 1692. All the victims were hanged, except for one man, who was pressed to death with stones.
*~* You might be surprised to learn that there are more pyramids in Mexico than Egypt.
*~* "Seinfeld" wasn't Jerry Seinfeld's first sitcom. He played the governor's speechwriter on "Benson," but was fired after three episodes.
*~* Play-Doh wasn't originally intended to be a toy. It was created to clean wallpaper.
*~* "The Man in the Iron Mask" didn't wear an iron mask -- it was made of black velvet stiffened with whalebone and fastened behind the head with a padlock or steel springs. [See: http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/294481/the-man-in-the-iro...]
*~* Brides do not walk down the aisle of a church during a wedding. The center section, or passage, of a church is correctly called a "nave."
[See: http://www2.palomar.edu/users/mhudelson/StudyGuides/ChurchPlan_WA.html ]
*~* "Mrs." is not an abbreviation for "missus" as is often believed. "Mrs." is short for "mistress," the feminine form of "mister," which in turn originally meant "master." For obvious reasons, "Mrs." is no longer spelled out.
*~* No sailor would use the term "knots per hour." Knots are a measurement of speed -- one nautical mile per hour.
*~* Saturn isn't the only planet in our solar system with a ring. In fact, the only planet without a ring is Earth.
(Correction: Earth is one of the five planets in our solar system without a ring. There are rings around Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. There are no rings around Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, and Pluto.)
*~* Harpo Marx was fully capable of speaking.
*~* You might not think so, but lemons contain more sugar than strawberries. [See: http://letseatcy.weebly.com/1/post/2012/08/does-a-lemon-contain-mor... ]
*~* Ninjas, historically, didn't wear black. For nighttime operations, they wore dark blues, dark grays, and browns.
*~* Although most people believe Napoleon was short, he was actually five feet six inches tall, an average height for a Frenchman in those days.
*~* The idea that it is dangerous to wake a sleepwalker is a myth. [See: http://www.nbcnews.com/health/waking-sleepwalker-totally-safe-them-... ]
*~* Nonalcoholic beer isn't. Most brands of non-alcoholic beer contain about .5% alcohol. [See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Low-alcohol_beer ]
*~* Even though you might think so, America is not the world's top producer of feature films. That honor goes to India.
*~* The "v" in the name of a court case does not stand for "versus," but for "and" (in civil proceedings) or "against" (in criminal proceedings).
*~* White paws on cats are commonly called "boots" when, in fact, they are actually referred to as "gloves."
*~* Chastity belts were not originally imposed to keep people from having sex. They were intended to keep youngsters, of both sexes, from masturbating. [See: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/you-it/201205/the-truth-about-c... ]
*~* Contrary to popular belief, gladiators were lousy fighters in real combat. They were trained solely for arena fighting. On the actual battlefield, their skills were mediocre.
*~* Potatoes weren't originally grown as food. They were grown for use as ornamental decorations.
*~* Shoemakers are commonly called "cobblers," but correctly speaking, a cobbler is a shoe repairman. A shoemaker is a "cordwainer."
*~* Teddy Roosevelt's Rough Riders didn't ride, ever, during the Spanish-American War. In fact, they weren't Teddy's. He was second in command.
*~* Despite what you might think, just 20% of the Sahara is covered with sand. The rest is rocky.
*~* The nose isn't the only thing that the Sphinx is missing. It once had a royal beard, a cobra emblem, and other pieces of masonry. Bits of what is left of the beard are in the British Museum. (From what I have seen on TV some believe it never had the royal beard--no chin damage when it "fell off" (was found on ground below)//If you want more info on the Sphinx see: [ http://www.touregypt.net/featurestories/sphinx1.htm ] It has a lot of good info!!!//ps)
*~* Ducks are never male. The males of the species are called drakes.
*~* The day after Thanksgiving is reported to be the "busiest shopping day of the year," but it's not true. In terms of sales, the highest sales day of the year is usually either the last Saturday before Christmas or December 23. [See: http://www.snopes.com/holidays/thanksgiving/shopping.asp ]
*~* The first umbrellas weren't intended to protect people from the rain. They were invented by the ancient Egyptians to shield them from the sun. [See: http://www.oakthriftumbrellas.com/pages/umbrellas4.htm ]
"Nymphomaniac Convention"
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane..
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat .. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his..
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston.
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba!!!!!"
oooops, I think this is more than just an email problem as I have had this happen sometimes when working in Geni, or at least parts of it... merges, adding info, etc... or when communicating with fellow Geni members... Anyone else have this problem from time to time???
New Computer Virus
I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one, so be warned. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1960.
Symptoms:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. Done that!
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail. I've done that too!
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. Yep!
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. Aha!
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. Well darn!
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the Oh, no - not again!
7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND." And I just hate that!
8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE." Oh No!
9. Causes you to send E-mail to other listed persons who received the E-mail from the person who sent it to you. Did I really do that???
IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."
Hmmm..... Have I sent this to you already?
Is anyone checking out the Picture Board for Genealogy Humor Discussion project??? I am the only one that seems to be adding any pix/cartoons, etc to it. I have at least 260 that I am working my way thru in adding to that project, but I am sure that there are more out there. (I think I have added about 1/2 of them so far.) Genealogy humor is the main focus of the pix, cartoons, etc.
You can connect to that project by going to the site listed above on the left under Related Projects & click on it or enter: http://www.geni.com/projects/Picture-Board-for-Genealogy-Humor-Disc... then once there click on "Photos & Documents" that is to the right of that laughing face icon... Click on View All... clicking on each pix will enlarge it to be able to see them better. Hope you laugh, groan or chuckle as you go thru the pix. (There are 177 pix in it at present... I just added 4 new ones today.)
If you like any and want a copy of it feel free to enlarge the pix then drag to your own photo program on your computer... I just tried it & dragged one of the pix to my iPhoto program & it worked, so it should work for you also... There are some really good ones, if I do say so myself!!!!
People can build whole societies based on class, or in fact the color of the people, as with https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caste_system_in_India
but how ever we look at it, there are only one race, called the humankind.
Dan, sorry. I will keep that in mind in the future. I am usually more sensitive to the potential for offense.
i sure do enjoy being retired!!!
Finding the Right Job
In honor of Labor Day, here's a first person report of someone who was not quite as successful as he had hoped to be in the job market:
As a young man
• My first job was in an orange juice factory, but I couldn't concentrate on the same old boring rind, so I got canned.
• Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
• After that, I tried working in a donut shop, but I soon got tired of the hole business.
• I manufactured calendars, but my days were numbered.
• I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating and de-pressing.
• I took a job as an upholsterer, but I never recovered.
In my prime
• Next I tried working in a car muffler factory, but that was exhausting.
• I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
• Then I was a pilot, but tended to wing it, and I didn't have the right altitude.
• I studied to become a doctor, but I didn't have enough patients for the job.
• I became a Velcro salesman, but I couldn't stick with it.
• I tried my hand at a professional career in tennis, but it wasn't my racket. I was too high strung.
• I became a baker, but it wasn't a cakewalk, and I couldn't make enough dough. They fired me after I left a cake out in the rain.
• I was a masseur for a while, but I rubbed people the wrong way.
• I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
Later in life
• Then I became a personal trainer in a gym, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
• I thought about being a historian, but I couldn't see a future in it.
• Next I was an electrician, but I found the work shocking and revolting, so they discharged me.
• I tried being a teacher, but I soon lost my principal, my faculties, and my class.
• I turned to farming, but I wasn't outstanding in my field.
• I took a job as an elevator operator. The job had its ups and downs, and I got the shaft.
• I sold origami, but the business folded.
Finally:
• I took a job at UPS, but I couldn't express myself.
• I tried being a fireman, but I suffered burnout.
• I became a banker, but I lacked interest and maturity, and finally withdrew from the job.
• I was a professional fisherman, but I couldn't live on my net income.
• I next worked in a shoe factory, but I just didn't fit in. They thought I was a loafer, and I got the boot.
• I worked at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
• So I've retired, and I find I'm a perfect fit for this job!