Genealogy Humor

I was a little hesitant to retire, but now that I have, I really enjoy not having to get up or go to bed at a specific time. As a nurse, retired, I no longer have to put up with facility politics & co-workers who are out for # 1, with insurance companies dictating what care is/isn't allowed, and the big one is having to deal with patients &/or their families who aren't appreciative of the efforts of the staff or are looking at everything so closely with the thought of lawsuit. I also no longer have to spend 30 min. documenting what took me 10 minutes to do... The paper work was astronomical!!! I really don't miss any of it!!!!!!!!!!! (I am single so my time is my own!!!) The only thing I am not overly fond of is having to live on a fixed income which is about 1/2 of what I was making when working! Oh, well, one takes the good with the bad... I still like being retired!!! And of course I have more time to work on the family tree!!!

Ancestry and Roots ~ 51 - 60

51. How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother’s life? ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson



52. Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson 


53. Even though fathers, grandparents, siblings, memories of ancestors are important agents of socialization, our society focuses on the attributes and characteristics of mothers and teachers and gives them the ultimate responsibility for the child’s life chances. ~ Sara Lawrence Lightfoot




54. In different hours, a man represents each of several of his ancestors, as if there were seven or eight of us rolled up in each man’s skin,—seven or eight ancestors at least, and they constitute the variety of notes for that new piece of music which his life is. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson



55. ...I write to keep in contact with our ancestors and to spread truth to people.
 ~ Sonia Sanchez



56. Some people are your relatives but others are your ancestors, and you choose the ones you want to have as ancestors. You create yourself out of those values.
 ~ Ralph Ellison



57. Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors.
 ~ Edward Dahlberg



58. Books are the treasured wealth of the world and the fit inheritance of generations and nations. ~ Henry David Thoreau



59. Fame is the inheritance not of the dead, but of the living. It is we who look back with lofty pride to the great names of antiquity. 
~ William Hazlitt 



60. I felt there's a wealth in Jewish tradition, a great inheritance. I'd be a jerk not to take advantage of it. 
~ Herman Wouk




Following 'Murphy's Law' is like digging for spuds. There's always one more.

@Patricia Ann Scoggin Following 'Murphy's Law' is like digging for spuds. There's always one more.

Donal,
Love that one!!! It sure is true!

Mother's Milk

A woman at our interactive advertising agency had recently returned from her maternity leave when she sent the following e-mail: 



"Whoever used the milk in the small plastic container that was in the refrigerator yesterday, please do NOT own up to it.


I would find it forever after difficult to meet your gaze across a cafeteria table whilst having a discussion about java applets or brand identity. 


Just be aware that THAT milk was EXPRESSLY for my son, if you get my drift. 



I will label these things from now on, but if you found your coffee tasted just a little bit better this morning, you might think about calling your mom and telling her you love her."

I just found a genealogist, it only took the users of this site 8 years to find her... ; )

Lisbet Christoffersdatter Huitfeldt

Ancestry and Roots ~ Quotes 61- 70

61. I have also seen children successfully surmounting the effects of an evil inheritance. That is due to purity being an inherent attribute of the soul. 
~ Mahatma Gandhi




62. My fondest hope is that "Roots" may start black, white, brown, red, yellow people digging back for their own roots. Man, that would make me feel 90 feet tall. 
~ Alex Haley 



63. We who with songs beguile your pilgrimage/ And swear that Beauty lives though lilies die,/ We poets of the proud old lineage/ Who sing to find your hearts, we know not why, -/ What shall we tell you? Tales, marvelous tales/ Of ships and stars . . . 
~ James Elroy Flecker
64. Some people will deny anything that displeases or scares them: unusual pain in their chests, unwanted lumps beneath their skin, or the fact that humans share ancestry with apes are a few examples. Another is climate change. ~ Michael Specter
65. It is worthwhile for anyone to have behind him a few generations of honest, hardworking ancestry. ~ John Phillips Marquand
66. When you start about family, about lineage and ancestry, you are talking about every person on earth. ~ Alex Haley
67. Character is better than ancestry, and personal conduct is of more importance than the highest. ~ Thomas John Barnardo
68. By ancestry, I was born to rule. ~ Nelson Mandela
69. A nation is a society united by delusion about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbours. ~ William Ralph Inge
70. When I’m in England, I know I’m a visitor, but being a white man in England with ancestry that’s German and Italian, I have a history with the Romans and the Saxons. I feel some connection and ancestry here, as weird as that sounds. ~ Nicolas Cage

This just goes to show how challenging the English language can be. Unfortunately I can't highlight the words that are spelt the same but pronounced differently, but I am sure you will figure them out. I hope you enjoy this. Thank goodness for spell checker!!!

Heteronyms... This is intriguing
Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning.
A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.
You think English is easy? 
I think a retired English teacher was bored... THIS IS Good! Read all the way to the end...
This took a lot of work to put together! 

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong for me to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? 



Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell.

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

re: Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

Say it slowly ... they sort of do ...
Moreover:
say the letter "B" , then the letter "U", then "ick".
say the letter "Q" , then the letter "U", then "ick".

Nice read Patricia.

Alright folks, here is a conundrum for you. Hope you will enjoy attempting this & not become to frustrated!!! Any comments???

How Smart is Your Right Foot?

Just try this. It is from an orthopedic surgeon. It will goggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can’t. It is pre-programmed in your brain!

1.) WITHOUT anyone watching you (they will think you are BONKERS) and while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make CLOCKWISE CIRCLES.

2.) Now, while doing this, draw the number “6” in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so!!! And there’s nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done, you are going to try it again, if you’ve not already done so.

Send it along to frustrate everybody else too!!!

Ramblings of a Retired Mind

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that every one has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway. (dang)

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'

I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it "Pumping Rust."

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case of an emergency. 'I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do... write to these men?

Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals. As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

Enjoy Your Days & Love Your Life Because....
" Life is a journey to be savored"

Have added a couple of new pix to this site:
http://www.geni.com/projects/Picture-Board-for-Genealogy-Humor-Disc...

I swear, if i ever have children, i'll name the first one Unknown, and the second one Private

Well, the most common family name in my family here on Geni are NN followed by NN NN.

NN is No Name?

If so it may take somebody a little time to realise that it's the "code" rather than some initials written in the wrong place.

Or maybe it's just me, having had a colleague in my old job whose name was written everywhere as NN Korotkova, including her emails, etc.

NN stands for Latin 'nomen nescio' meaning "I don't know the name".
In use in genealogy but also in other areas.

Ok, thanks a lot. Leave it to the humour thread to teach me new things about my hobby. q;-)=

We have become a society of abbreviations!!! I am a retired nurse and there were ever-so-many abbreviations we used without thinking -- in my younger days before computers & I wrote letters by hand... I found myself writing a letter using w with a line over it which meant with... had to stop & think if the person would know that or not... on the computer I can get by with just the "w" or for without= w/o but am still not always 100% sure that others will know what I mean... soooo, when in doubt I write it out.

Volodya, glad you could learn something here in the humor discussion... Everyone in Geni is so willing to help!!!

I learned what the NN stands for... I thought it meant No Name...

Funny Thoughts To Ponder 7

1. What do they call male meter maids?
2. Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
3. If you were driving at the speed of light and turned on your headlights, what would happen?
4. Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g. drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk?
5. Can atheists get insurance for an act of God?
6. What is the stage of a reptile when it has eggs in it but they haven't been laid. Are they pregnant?
7. If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
8. Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
9. Why is the man who invests your money called a "broker"?
10. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?
11. Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all?
12. Do you yawn in your sleep?
13. Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs’ butts?
14. Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?
15. Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?
16. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
17. Can you plan a surprise birthday party for a psychic?
18. If you died with braces on would they take them off?
19. If someone who has their nose pierced has a cold, and they take their nose ring out, does snot come out of the piercing hole?
20. If you speak only one language, are you lingual?
21. How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.
22. Do you wake up or open your eyes first?
23. Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?
24. Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 13?
25. If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
26. In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?
27. Why can't donuts be square?
28. Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean?
29. What happens to an irresistible force when it hits an immovable object?
30. How can they arrest you for being 'legally drunk'? If it's legal, why is there a problem?
31. If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?
32. If there's a speed of sound and a speed of light, is there a speed of smell?
33. Why do overalls have belt loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps?
34. Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?
35. Do people in prison celebrate Halloween.... if so how?

1. What do they call male meter maids? Asshole?

2. Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? Because of the clothes size.

3. If you were driving at the speed of light and turned on your headlights, what would happen? Long before you reached the speed of light, you would be trashed to atoms by the force of gravitation.

4. Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g. drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk? Yes.

5. Can atheists get insurance for an act of God? No one can.

6. What is the stage of a reptile when it has eggs in it but they haven't been laid. Are they pregnant? No, it takes a sperm to do that.

7. If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes? Why not?

8. Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning? They do.

9. Why is the man who invests your money called a "broker"? Because it sounds better than peddlers and pimps.

10. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner? He probably did that also.

These were my thoughts recently while on Geni.com....why does everyone have about 4 different names?

It made me think of the Beatles song Rocky Raccoon....
Her name was Magil, she called herself Lil, but everyone knew her as Nancy.

It made me laugh. ;)

Here's what i find funny, why do people who speak only one language always assume that theirs is the weirdest one of all. One more time i'll hear a joke from my father about a German guy who came to Russia fell in the snow couldn't figure out what "It's nothing" ("Ничего") meant, i will scream.

And the thing is that there are really interesting and weird things going on in the language.

People assume that arabs write arabic numerals "backwards" (i.e. just like europeans) although it is us, who do it incorrectly. Let's take a number 12753. You read it from left to write, you see 1, then you see 2 and realise that 1 wasn't 1, it was actually 10, and you add 2 to it... 12. But then you see 7, and realise that 12 was actually 120, and you add 7 to that. Then you see 5, and you see 3. A person reading arabic doesn't have that problem. They see 3 and it says 3. Then they see 5, they know they read 3 already, so 5 must be 50, they add it, get 53... etc.

A weird thing is why in every european language (i don't know of other ones) we have a young friend and a new friend, but there is only one opposite for that an "old friend", and you can never figure out what is meant by that.

And, btw, here's a joke for you. Why do so many native English speakers try to speak their language good, and so many foreigners know that they shouldn't speak it good at all, they should strive to speak it well?

"old friend" opposite? Wouldn't that just be "old enemy"?
No, I re think that it would be a "young enemy", because everything in that sentence must be the opposite.

No, it must be a "new enemy", that's my final answer.

Yes, that may not have been the "old comrade", this will not be their initial request!

When I read #23 above about the woodpecker on Noah's Ark, it reminded me of the following. (Some may have seen it here before as I put it here in Aug 2014, but I didn't include the pix then.) I had pix with it so check them out at: http://www.geni.com/projects/Picture-Board-for-Genealogy-Humor-Disc... Hope you enjoy this one & will ck out the pix...

All I Need To Know I Learned From Noah And The Ark
1. Don't miss the boat.
2. Try to remember that we're all in the same boat.
3. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark, you know.
4. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.
5. Don't listen to critics; just get on with what has to be done.
6. Build your future on high ground.
7. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
8. Two heads are better than one.
9. Speed isn't always an advantage; after all, the snails were on board with the cheetahs.
10. When you're stressed, try floating awhile.
11. Remember that the ark was built by amateurs; it was the Titanic that was built by professionals.
12. Remember that woodpeckers inside are a larger threat than storms outside.
13. No matter what the difficulty, trust in the Almighty: There'll be a rainbow at the end of the storm.

I'm going to use "All I Need to Know I Learned from Noah and the Ark" for a children's sermon at church sometime.