Genealogy Humor

Brains of older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, scientists believe. Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full, so, too, do humans take longer to access information when their brains are full.

Researchers say this slowing down process is not the same as cognitive decline. The human brain works slower in old age, said Dr. Michael Ramscar, but only because we have stored more information over time. The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more.
Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.

SO THERE.
Now when I reach for a word or a name , I won't excuse myself by saying "I'm having a senior moment". Now, I'll say, "My disk is full!"
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.
So, please forward this to your friends; they may be my friends, too!

This means that you should learn nothing new, because it will make it more difficult to remember everything in the end. q;-)=

Actually, Volodya, genealogy has improved my memory, which I believe to have been quite good to start with--you know, remembering family happenings. It has improved my brain so much, that, at night I stay awake thinking about how I can search some ancestor differently to get a better result. That doesn't always work out, but it was worth the effort. I sympathize with those long-deceased families who suffered so much and am very thankful for everything I have. Sleep aids don't help either when I am on a mission. I'm in a hurry to get my work done for my grandchildren and children, and then someone asks for help, and I'm off and running. I hope I never stop learning new things, even though those trips to the refrigerator can be quite frustrating!!!!

Susan, I will have to remember the "My disk is full" the next time I have one of "those" moments!!! (They seem to be coming more often these days... but then I AM getting older--had a birthday in August--69th--don't feel that old, yet find there are a lot of things I can't do or remember as easily as I used to!!!) My feet/lower legs will appreciate the excuse about exercise on those days that I have been sitting at the computer for prolonged periods (they tend to swell!!!)

This Aging Thing Really Sucks....
I started losing words here & there in conversations in my 50's...a long time ago...
I'm not sure if my "Disk is Half Full or Half Empty" now...but I spend an inordinate amount of time on the computer both in GENI Discussions and as a "Screaming Advocate" for my pet causes in a variety of on-line magazines...but I think that's a good thing to keep your mind in shape....like an engine that's never started will freeze up.
I have found that when I'm composing something...sometimes the simplest words are evading me (I have to look up similar words until I come across them)...on the other hand words that are seldom in my everyday vocabulary just pop into my mind???...see the word "inordinate" above!

Also this is really strange...When I was building my Family Tree... I couldn't remember the married names of some lost relatives that I haven't thought about in years (& there's no one left alive that I can ask)....I would wake up in the middle of the night because the name had just popped into my head??? I suppose our brains have this huge memory depository that just needs enough searching via your mind and the filing system then opens to the correct page???

Shawn Farquhar is the World Champion of Card Magic, and is Canadian...He is so good - even other professional magicians can't figure out how he does it.

http://www.flixxy.com/a-trick-that-tricks-magicians.htm?utm_source=nl

Genealogy is like a family chess game allways playing one side against the other seldom black nor white

Michael ...in English please...my olde brain doesn't quite understand???

Here are some brain teasers. See how "smart" (or not) you are... Good luck.

Brain Teasers & Twisters

1. Can YOU solve it? 


10, 4, 3, 11, 15... 


What number is next? 


(a) 14 
(b) 1 
(c) 17 
 (d) 12

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2. Can You Solve It?

AALLLOUGNINCEACELSSSEANRYTELNETCTEERS

If you cross out all unnecessary letters in the above string of letters, a logical sentence will remain. Can you read what it says?

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3. Imagine you are in a sinking rowboat surrounded by great white sharks. How would you survive?

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4) The Elder Twin
One day Kerry celebrated her birthday. Two days later her older twin brother, Terry, celebrated his birthday. How come?

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5) Manhole Covers
Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones?
This is logical rather than lateral, but it is a good puzzle which can be solved by lateral thinking techniques. It is supposedly used by a very well-known software company as an interview question for prospective employees.

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6) The Deadly Party
A man went to a party and drank some of the punch. He then left early. Everyone else at the party who drank the punch subsequently died of poisoning. Why did the man not die?

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7) Trouble with Sons
A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year. But they were not twins. How could this be so?

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8) The Man in the Bar
A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun and points it at the man. The man says 'Thank you' and walks out.

This puzzle has claims to be the best of the genre. It is simple in its statement, absolutely baffling and yet with a completely satisfying solution. Most people struggle very hard to solve this one yet they like the answer when they hear it or have the satisfaction of figuring it out.

*******************************************************

SOLUTIONS:
1) Answer: 14. When spelled out, each number in the series is longer than the previous number by one letter.

2) Answer: If you cross out the letters, ALL UNNECESSARY LETTERS, the remaining letters will spell: A LOGICAL SENTENCE!

3) Answer: Stop imagining! 

(You may groan now)

4) At the time she went into labor, the mother of the twins was traveling by boat. The older twin, Terry, was born first early on March 1st. The boat then crossed the International Date line (or anytime zone line) and Kerry, the younger twin, was born on February the 28th. In a leap year the younger twin celebrates her birthday two days before her older brother.

5) A square manhole cover can be turned and dropped down the diagonal of the manhole. A round manhole cannot be dropped down the manhole. So for safety and practicality, all manhole covers should be round.

6) The poison in the punch came from the ice cubes. When the man drank the punch the ice was fully frozen. Gradually it melted, poisoning the punch.

7) They were two of a set of triplets (or quadruplets etc.) This simple little puzzle stumps many people. They try outlandish solutions involving test-tube babies or surrogate mothers. Why does the brain search for complex solutions when there is a much simpler one available?

8) The man had hiccups. The barman recognized this from his speech and drew the gun in order to give him a shock. It worked and cured the hiccups - so the man no longer needed the water.

So how did you do??? Able to figure them ALL out???
Now, feel free to copy/paste and pass them along to see how others you know will do...

Regarding #4. http://www.worldrecordacademy.com/medical/longest_interval_between_...

Did my own try, before I noticed that you had posted the answer.

1. 14, it's the first next number in the next row.
2. all unnecessary letters
3. stop imagine
4. He is not -her- twin, they are just siblings.
5. They fit the round hole better
6. He was the one poisoning the punch
7. She was the stepmother!
8.

Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching. Thought you might enjoy seeing what children think about preparing for the "Big" Day... Hope you get a few chuckles!!! We have some real chefs in the making!!!

A Thanksgiving Cookbook 

by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class

***Note: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook

* Ivette - Banana Pie: 
 You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it.
* Russell – Turkey: 
 You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it.
* Geremy – Turkey: 
 You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat.
* Andrew - Pizza:
 Buy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.
* Shelby – Applesauce: 
 Go to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put them in a jar that says, "Applesauce". Then you eat it.
* Meghan H. – Turkey: 
 You cut it into 16 pieces and then you leave it in the oven for 15 minutes and 4 degrees. you take it out and let it cool and then after 5 minutes, then you eat it.
* Danny – Turkey: 
 You put some salt on it to make it taste good. Then you put it in the oven. Then you cook it for an hour at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.
* Brandon – Turkey: 
 First you buy it at Fred Meyer. Then you cut it up and cook it for 15 hours at 200 degrees. Then you take it out and eat it.
* Megan K – Chicken: 
 You put it in the oven for 25 minutes and 25 degrees and put gravy on it and eat it.
* Christa – Cookies: 
 Buy some dough and smash it and cut them out. Then put them in the oven for 2 hours at 100 degrees. Then take them out and dry them off. Then it's time to eat them.
* Irene – Turkey: 
 Put it on a plate and put it in the oven with gravy. You cook it for 1 minute and for 100 degrees. Then it's all cooked. Your mom or dad cuts it and then eat.
* Moriah – Turkey: 
 First you cut the bones out. Then you put it in the oven for 10 hours at 600 degrees. Then you put it on the table and eat it.
* Vincent – Turkey: 
 You cut and put sauce on it. Then you cook it for 18 minutes at 19 degrees. Then you eat it with stuffing.
* Jordyn – Turkey: 
 First you have to cut it up and put it on a plate in the oven for 9 minutes and 18 degrees. Then you dig it out of the oven and eat it.
* Grace – Turkey: 
 First you add some salt. Then you put it in a bowl. Then you put brown sugar on it. Then you mix it all together with a spoon and then you add some milk and mix it again. And then you put it in a pan. Then you put it in the oven for 15 minutes and 16 degrees. Then you take it out of the oven and then you eat it.
* Alan – Turkey: 
 First you shoot it and then you cut it. And then you put it in the oven and cook it for 10 minutes and 20 degrees. You put it on plates and then you eat it.
* Jordan Salvatore- Turkey: 
 First you put it in the oven for 15 minutes at 100 degrees. Then you cut it up and then you eat it.
* Jordan Simons - Chocolate Pudding: 
 Buy some chocolate pudding mix. Then you add the milk. Then you add the pudding mix. Then you stir it. Then you put it in the refrigerator and wait for it to get hard. Then you eat it.
* Whitney – Turkey: 
 Cut it and put it in the oven for 50 minutes at 60 degrees and then you eat it.
* Jason - Chicken Pie: 
 Put the chicken in the pot and put the salad and cheese and mustard and then you mix it all together. Then put chicken sauce and stir it all around again. Then you cook it for 5 minutes at 9 degrees. Then you eat it.
* Christopher - Pumpkin Pie: 
 First you buy a pumpkin and smash it. Then it is all done. And you cook it in the oven for 12 minutes and 4 degrees. Then you eat it.
* Christine – Turkey: 
 First you buy the turkey. Then you cook it for 5 hours and 5 degrees. Then you cut it up and you eat it.
* Ashley – Chicken: 
 Put it in the oven. Then cut it up. Then I eat it.
* Jennie – Corn: 
 My mom buys it. Then you throw it. Then you cook it. Then you eat it.
* Jordan - Cranberry Pie: 
 Put cranberry juice in it. Then you put berries in it. Then you put dough in it. Then you bake it. Then you eat it.
* Adam - Pumpkin Pie: 
 First you put pumpkin seeds in it. Put it in a pan and bake it at 5 degrees for 6 minutes. Then take it out and eat it.
* Jarryd - Deer Jerky: 
 Put it in the oven overnight at 20 degrees. Then you go hunting and bring it with you. Then you eat it.
* Christina – Turkey: 
 Get the turkey. Put it in the oven. Cook it for 43 minutes at 35 degrees. Put it on a plate, cut it up, then eat it.
* Joplyn - Apple Pie: 
 Take some apples, mash them up. Take some bread and make a pie with it. Get some dough and squish it. Shape the dough into a pie shape. Put the apples in it. Then bake it at 9 degrees for 15 minutes.
* Isabelle – Spaghetti: 
 Put those red things in it. Then put the spaghetti in it. Then cook it in the oven for 2 minutes at 8 degrees.
* Bailey – Chicken: 
 Put pepper and spices on it. Cook for one hour at 60 degrees. Then eat it.
* Nicholas - White and Brown Pudding: 
 First you read the wrapper. Get a piece of water. Stir. Then you eat it.
* Sean – Turkey: 
 Put it in the oven for 5 minutes at 55 degrees. Take it out and eat it.
* Lauren – Turkey: 
 First you find a turkey and kill it. Cut it open. Put it in a pan. Pour milk in the pan. Put a little chicken with it. Put salsa on it. Take out of pan. Put it on the board. Cut into little pieces. Put on a rack. Put in the oven for 7 minutes at 10 degrees. Take out of the oven and put eensy weensy bit of sugar on it. Put a little more salsa on it. Then you eat it.
* Olivia – Corn: 
 Get hot water and put on stove. Wait for 8 minutes. Put corn in. Then put it on a plate. Then eat.
* Siera - Pumpkin Pie: 
 Get some pumpkin and dough for the crust. Get pumpkin pie cinnamon. Cook it for 20 minutes at 10 degrees.
* Kayla – Turkey: 
 Buy it. Take it home. Then you cook it. Put it in the oven for 1 hour. Take it out of the oven. Put it on a plate. Then you eat it.
* Tommy – Pumpkin: 
 Cook the pumpkin. Then get ready to eat the pumpkin
* Wai - Pumpkin Pie: 
 Get a pumpkin. Cook it. Eat it.

From the HAND (Have a Nice Day humor mailing list)

Weather Prognosticators for Thanksgiving:

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will dimish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.

 

-Elliot Abrams, excerpted from the forthcoming book, "Weather Prognosticators and the Media: Fallacies, Facts, and Fun in Forecasting", by Norm Macdonald

Thanksgiving Humor

* How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
**** I'll tell you at Christmas.
* Why did the turkey cross the road?
**** It was the chicken's day off.
* What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
**** If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
* What key has legs and can't open doors?
**** Tur-key.
* What sound does a space turkey make?
**** Hubble, hubble, hubble.
* Why do turkeys always go "gobble, gobble"?
**** Because they never learned good table manners!
* Why did the turkey cross the road?
**** It was the chicken's day off.
* Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," little Timothy wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."
* Keep your eye off the turkey dressing
**** It makes him blush!!!!

Silly Thanksgiving Jokes:

1. What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving Dinner?
**** The turKey

2. Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
**** The outside

3. How did the Mayflower show that it liked America?
**** It hugged the shore

4. Why did they let the turkey join the band?
**** Because he had the drumsticks

5. Why did the police arrest the turkey?
**** They suspected it of fowl play.

6. What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
**** Plymouth Rock

7. What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
**** Boy! I’m stuffed!

8. What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
**** He had an arrow escape

9. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
**** Pilgrims!

10. Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
**** To keep his wigwam.

I hope everyone had a safe and happy Thanksgiving. I took a vacation and have been visiting with my brother & his family including my grand nieces & nephew. Took my computer so could keep up with emails and Geni!!! Getting ready to ship my computer back home (it is a large desktop iMac), so will be without it for a couple of days.

Here is some food for thought. Paul Harvey always seems to hit the nail on the head!!! Hope you will agree...

Paul Harvey’s Wish & Riddle

Here is a pretty neat little thing from Paul Harvey. See if you can guess the riddle at the end. Can you answer this riddle?

Paul Harvey Writes:

We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.

I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.

I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.

I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.

And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.

It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.

I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.

I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.

When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her.

I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.

If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.

I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.

When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head...

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boy\girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.

May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.

May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.

I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hanukkah/ Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.

These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life...

Written with a pen. Sealed with a kiss. I'm here for you. And if I die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you.

Send this to all of your friends. We secure our friends, not by accepting favors, but by doing them.

Paul Harvey RIDDLE:

When asked this riddle, 80% of kindergarten kids got the answer, compared to 17% of Stanford University seniors.

What is greater than God; more evil than the devil? The poor have it. The rich need it. And if you eat it, you'll die?

ANSWER: “NOTHING”!!!

The riddle is wrong. It's actually two riddles put together.

What is more good than God; more evil than the devil? - Letter
The poor have it. The rich need it. And if you eat it, you'll die? - Nothing

Why you say the rich need it. Shouldn't it be something like "The rich dint have it"

Why you say the rich need it. Shouldn't it be something like "The rich dint have it"

Dries: the point is -- (if you type out each part):

"If you eat nothing, you will die."

"The poor have nothing."

"The rich need nothing."
...... (which, of course, is only true if one is referring only to "more money" or "more things" ... the rich need many things, the same as the poor do: love, hope, etc.)

I'm not Jewish, but since Chanukah starts tomorrow, I thought I would include some info about the holiday and over the next few days include some Chanukah (Hanukkah) humor. I hope no one will be offended... Christmas is rapidly approaching also and I know there will be humor about that holiday. Here is some info about Hanukkah for those of us who are not familiar with this holiday. I hope that others will feel free to add info or humor about Hanukkah (but lets keep it unoffensive.) This is an opportunity to learn about another's religion.

What Is Hanukkah?
http://www.chabad.org/holidays/chanukah/article_cdo/aid/102911/jewi...

Chanukah -- the eight-day festival of light that begins on the eve of the 25th of the Jewish month of Kislev -- celebrates the triumph of light over darkness, of purity over adulteration, of spirituality over materiality.

More than twenty-one centuries ago, the Holy Land was ruled by the Seleucids (Syrian-Greeks), who sought to forcefully Hellenize the people of Israel. Against all odds, a small band of faithful Jews defeated one of the mightiest armies on earth, drove the Greeks from the land, reclaimed the Holy Temple in Jerusalem and rededicated it to the service of G-d.

When they sought to light the Temple's menorah (the seven branched candelabrum), they found only a single cruse of olive oil that had escaped contamination by the Greeks; miraculously, the one-day supply burned for eight days, until new oil could be prepared under conditions of ritual purity.

To commemorate and publicize these miracles, the sages instituted the festival of Chanukah. At the heart of the festival is the nightly menorah (candelabrum) lighting: a single flame on the first night, two on the second evening, and so on till the eighth night of Chanukah, when all eight lights are kindled.

On Chanukah we also add the Hallel and Al HaNissim in our daily prayers to offer praise and thanksgiving to G-d for "delivering the strong into the hands of the weak, the many into the hands of the few... the wicked into the hands of the righteous."

Chanukah customs include eating foods fried in oil -- latkes (potato pancakes) and sufganiot (doughnuts); playing with the dreidel (a spinning top on which are inscribed the Hebrew letters nun, gimmel, hei and shin, an acronym for Nes Gadol Hayah Sham, "a great miracle happened there"); and the giving of Chanukah gelt, gifts of money, to children.

Learn More About This Special Holiday (Hanukkah)
http://www.ifcj.org/site/PageNavigator/eng/inside/hanukkah

Hanukkah is one of the happier Jewish festivals. It does not appear in the Hebrew Bible (what Christians call the Old Testament) because the events surrounding it occurred in the year 165 B.C.E., after the closing of the Hebrew Bible. But in the New Testament, it is mentioned once. John 10:22 says that people were gathered around at the festival of dedication. But what is the meaning of Hanukkah? As we’ll see, it has several meanings.

The first is religious liberty —the right of people to celebrate their holy days and worship freely, to practice their faith. That right is being challenged even today —and, in some countries, Christians are more threatened than Jews. This is something Christians and Jews ought to be able to, and can, work on together.

Second, the Jews’ rededication of the Temple after it was defiled should remind us that each of us is a small temple, with God’s presence in our hearts. And we need to rededicate ourselves to God —to purify our hearts, to change.

Third, Hanukkah teaches us we must separate and pull out the good parts of the culture in which we live. We have to discern – to pick and choose – the values of America we really want for ourselves and our children. Because the forces of secularism are so strong, this takes a strong personality and family background. It was the same in ancient times — “Hellenism” was a very attractive option for a lot of Jews, just as accommodating to secular culture is today.

The final dimension is trust in God. As you’ll see, it took great faith for the Maccabees to rise up against this great Hellenist society. And it also took great courage and great trust to light that first candle, knowing that it would go out in 24 hours. We need to light the candle in the darkness when we have the opportunity to do so.

Because it typically falls so close to Christmas, Hanukkah carries with it a message of hope, miracles, and bringing light into the world that is embraced by both Christians and Jews. To deepen your understanding of the important lessons and reflections that can be found in the Hanukkah story, Rabbi Eckstein has prepared a series of devotions for each of the eight days of the observance.

Does this remind you of the 12 Days of Christmas???

THE EIGHT DAYS OF HANUKKAH

(Note: The words "my true love" can be replaced with the Yiddish "mein Liebhen.")
On the first night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me
** Lox, bagels and some cream cheese

On the second night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me 

** 2 Kosher pickles and 

** Lox, bagels and some cream cheese

On the third night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
** 3 pounds of corned beef 

** 2 Kosher pickles and
** Lox, bagels and some cream cheese

On the fourth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me 

** 4 potato latkes
** 3 pounds of corned beef
** 2 Kosher pickles and
** Lox, bagels and some cream cheese

On the fifth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me 

** 5 bowls of chicken soup 

** 4 potato latkes 

** 3 pounds of corned beef 

** 2 Kosher pickles and 

** Lox, bagels and some cream cheese

On the sixth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me 

** 6 pickled herrings 

** 5 bowls of chicken soup 

** 4 potato latkes 

** 3 pounds of corned beef 

** 2 Kosher pickles and 

** Lox, bagels and some cream cheese

On the seventh night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me 

** 7 noodle kugels 

** 6 pickled herrings 

** 5 bowls of chicken soup 

** 4 potato latkes 

** 3 pounds of corned beef 

** 2 Kosher pickles and 

** Lox, bagels and some cream cheese

On the eighth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me 

** 8 Alka- Seltzer 

** 7 noodle kugels 

** 6 pickled herrings 

** 5 bowls of chicken soup 

** 4 potato latkes 

** 3 pounds of corned beef 

** 2 Kosher pickles and 

** Lox, bagels and some cream cheese

PS: For the Israeli version, substitute 1 Falafel ball , 2 spoons of Hummos, 3 liters of Tehina, 4 plates of salads, 5 glasses of eshkoliot (grapefruit juice), 6 bags of pita, 7 mouthfuls of ful and 8 greps (belches)

Love it!

To Good to be true. Where can I find a True Love

CHANUKAH HUMOR

Sweater
My mother once gave me two sweaters for Hanukkah.
The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one.
As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"

**********************************

Jewish Landing

As the plane settled down at Ben Gurion airport, the voice of the Captain came on:
"Please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened until this plane is at a complete standstill and the seat belt signs have been turned off."
"To those of you standing in the aisles, we wish you a Happy Chanukah."
"To those who have remained in their seats, we wish you a Merry Christmas."

Trust me, i've flown on Russian airlines quite a few times, and i've seen people attempting to queue at the exit before the plain actually touched down. So those standing in the isle could still be celebrating Christmas, but they'll do that on January 7th.

Dries...

Come to Los Angeles....

"The Streets are Filled with True Love"...

...and the price is negotiable!!!

In one of our weekly South African periodicals we have a" Lady Pastor" (I don't know the English feminine word for that occupation) But in any case in last weeks edition she had a long story about what a wife should be and do to and for her husband to assure a happy and lasting relationship. One of the last things was that she should be a TIGER in bed.
In this weeks edition a woman complain that she met all requirements but the
TIGER part is a problem as she is married to a TORTOISE who stuck out his head five times a year.
I think I don't qualify for truelove any more free or at a price

Now for some Christmas humor. Contributions are appreciated...

A Christmas Pun

As you know, it is very important for Santa and his reindeer to be very quiet when they deliver presents on Christmas Eve so no one will know they are there.

One Christmas Eve Santa Claus landed on a rooftop and suddenly he heard a very loud, "Snort sniff honk honk snort!" coming from one of his reindeer. Since he was in the sleigh behind them, he didn't know which one it was. It happened again, only louder this time. "Snort sniff honk honk snort!" Dogs in the neighborhood began to bark.

"Shhh!" Santa hissed. "Please be quiet!" He went to work lifting the sack of toys out of the sleigh when he heard it again, only a lot louder this time. "SNORT SNIFF HONK HONK SNORT!"

Lights came on all over the neighborhood and some people even stuck their heads out of their windows. Santa was horrified. Jumping back into the sleigh, he drove quickly back to the North Pole. He lined up all the reindeer and announced, "We are not going to deliver another present until the reindeer who is making funny noises with his nose steps forward and apologizes!" None of the reindeer stepped forward.

Santa held up a piece of paper. "I know who it is and I have written your name on this paper. But I want to give you a chance to do the right thing on your own."

Still none of the reindeer came forward. So Santa did the only thing he could do.
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(here it comes)

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He read off the rude-nosed reindeer...

(You may groan now!)

A short feel happy break from all the genealogy.

Sara Nordström, 17 from Sweden found Shannon Lonergan, 21 from Ireland on "TwinStrangers" after they both had signed up to the site. Twin Strangers offered to bring them together in Ireland’s capital city Dublin for one of their special doppelgänger meet-ups.

https://youtu.be/4rUcR8rPh5o