Genealogy Humor

Here are some thoughts to ponder for the New Year & some you may even want to incorporate into your life. Happy New Year to each of you. May your life be filled with joy and maybe even finding that elusive relataive you have been searching for or tree you hoped to connect to.

New Year Messages for 2017

In soft glistening night of stars,
hope all your aspirations come true.
May every star present in the sky,
Bring love and mirth to you.
Happy New Year 2017!
 
This new year, view the world with a positive outlook, speak your heart out with confidence, listen to others as well as your inner voice and you will be on the correct road in the correct direction.
 
Hope you scatter joy and happiness wherever you go all 365 days of the upcoming year and get the same in return. Happy New Year to you!
 
Every New Year gives you the perfect chance to start something new and fresh. So do your bit this year and make the world a better place for yourself and others. Happy New Year 2017!
 
We are at the ending point of this year. Just thought I should thank everyone who made me smile. You are of them so here goes… thank you and a very happy new year!
 
Whenever I think of the New Year, I always think about you. Even if we are miles apart, you are always wished well and prayed for. Have a great new year!

May God bless you and keep you protected and in good health so that you can witness many more such new years’! But first of all, enjoy this one and stay happy!
 
Even though life presented to you various obstacles and hurdles, be proud that you managed to overcome all and cross the bridge to another new year. May you continue to be this firm and win over all shortcomings!

May this New Year brings you a peace filled life, warmth and togetherness in your family and much prosperity! Happy New Year!

Celebrate this New Year with lots of fireworks and welcome it with a blast! Enjoy your time with friends and family.

Hold the smile, let the tear go, keep the laugh, lose the pain, look for joy, and abandon the fear.  Happy New Year dear!
 
Life is an accessible diary filled with empty pages waiting for you. Fill them up with your story as you go.

Hope you all had a safe & Happy New Year. I also hope that more of you will contribute humorous, inspirational or thought provoking messages this year. Thank you for your contributions last year. Hope everyone has a fantastic 2017--find that "missing" ancestor or ancestor connection, break thru that ancestral wall and laughing a lot (it often makes others wonder what is going on or what you are up to...) In addition to humor I like to provide positive / inspirational thoughts here from time to time, so here is something to think about.

6 Things Mentally Strong People Do -

1.) They move on. they don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves.
2.) They embrace change. They welcome challenges.

3.) They stay happy. They don’t waste energy on things they can’t control.
4.) They are kind, fair and unafraid to speak up.

5.) They are willing to take calculated risks.

6.) They celebrate other people’s success. They don’t resent that

Hugs to all,
Pat

Peter just added his twenty thousandth + profile, it was time to quit when he now just completed his enormous family tree on Geni, when suddenly his half-brother called and added a new unpleasant finding, revealing that Peter's father was in fact adopted and that his real fathers parents were completely unknown...

Peter was stunned by this but comforted himself that he had at least had done his mothers side, when his sister called and broke the news that Peter in fact was swift by accident at the maternity hospital, his name wasn't Peter but Boris. His real parents had been illegal immigrants with fake passports who were sent back to an unknown Eastern European country never to be heard of since.

Boris, he thought, what's that of a kind of name, at least I have done my wife's side, I wonder what she will think about my new name? In bed that night, he revealed all this for her, she started to cry and he asked why, adding that this wasn't the end of the world? She turned her head against him and dropped the bomb, Boris, you are not the biological father to our children...

Boris, who really thought that he knew it all, who had spent the past 10 years wanting to give his children a genuine pedigree all the way back to the days of King Herod mumbled, at least, we're all children of God. The wife stared at him in surprise, then she said, after all this, how can you still believe that he exists? Boris hesitated a short while, then he said, oh yes, otherwise it makes no sense with anything at all.

Sentence: Skip the genealogy, get a bible instead, it will save you both time and a lot of suffer, it is usually preferable to believe than to actually really know.

109 years old Ruth Benjamin’s recipe for a long life
"She says, “I have potatoes some way every day. And I love kraut. And I love bacon.”
It seems the recipe to a wonderful 109 years might just be potatoes, bacon, and kraut."

http://wthitv.com/2017/01/17/ive-been-happy-that-means-a-lot-local-...

Well, I guess I will have to start to binge eat some bacon and sauerkraut, maybe it's never to late?

http://www.channel3000.com/obituaries/kay-a-heggestad/270546837

Funny Thoughts To Ponder 11

1. Why is it so hard to remember how to spell 'mnemonic'?
2. Does a 'Marks-A-Lot' marker, mark any more than a regular marker?
3. If you really could dig a hole to China, and you did, and you fell in, would you stop in the middle because of gravity?
4. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
5. What happens when you put a light saber in water?
6. On Gilligan's Island, how did Ginger have so many different outfits when they were only going on a 3 hour tour?
7. If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?
8. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how will anyone ever know?
9. If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
10. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
11. Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?
12. Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?
13. What do you call male ballerinas?
14. Why are the obituaries found in the "living" section of the newspaper?
15. Why is it "a penny for your thoughts", but you "put your two cents in"?
16. Why do they say "easy as pie"? Making a pie is not that easy.
17. Why are people so scared of mice, which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Mickey Mouse, who is bigger than us?
18. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?
19. Why are plastic bears the only animal you can get honey from?
20. Why can't you get honey from a plastic bee?
21. Can bald men get lice?
22. When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
23. Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?
24. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
25. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
26. Why do they call steam rollers, steam rollers? They don't produce, get rid of, or have anything to do with steam.
27. What is another word for "thesaurus"?
28. Do married people really live longer than single people, or does it just seem longer?
29. Does the postman deliver his own mail?
30. Why does toilet bowl cleaner only come in the color blue?

Hehehheheee.

Most of them are actually trivial:
What do you call male ballerinas?
- ballero of course

If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
- no, in fact some cinemas will cancel if 1 or 2 people show up. it's cheaper to give back your money than to spend it on electricity

If you really could dig a hole to China, and you did, and you fell in, would you stop in the middle because of gravity?
- no, you would stop in the centre because of friction

Volodya, they would also be crushed long before they even reached the center by the gradually increasing pressure.

A ballet dancer (Italian: ballerina [balleˈriːna] fem., ballerino [balleˈriːno] masc.) is a person who practices the art of classical ballet.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ballet_dancer

The other day my neighbor who is a BALLERERO asked me what bump is there in front of your trousers.

'Tennisball' I replied.

Oh!!! it must be painful, last week I had a tennis elbow and it nearly killed me.

The other day my neighbor who is a BALLERERO asked me what bump is there in front of your trousers.

'Tennisball' I replied.

Oh!!! it must be painful, last week I had a tennis elbow and it nearly killed me.

Sorry for the double entry. Part of the joke .

No humor just a quote from somebody unknown, God grant me the serenity to accept the ancestors I cannot find, the courage to find the ones I can, and the wisdom to document thoroughly. And then one that was given to me the other day by Johan Fourie : You are born into your family and your family are born into you. No exchanges. No returns

A dear cousin in Connecticut ends his e-mails with quotes and his latest was
"There are no lifebuoys in my gene pool" ...... Both he and his wife are historians.

This is a Cold War joke: The Pole was asked (by a Communist journalist) whether he considered the Russians friends or brothers.
"Brothers, of course. Friends you can choose for yourself."

Just another quibble

If a model flashes her rear, it's called an asset, but if I do the same I'm just a flasher.

How to not write in the about me section in any profile.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Imagine that you just opened a profile, and this is what you saw.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

htt www some shitty link

five or more rows down to next

htt www another shitty link

someones dots used as separator
...................................

the name of the profile

big jump down to some text, sometimes very irrelevant

more dots
..............................

the name once again, plus the wife and

htt www another shitty link plus

htt www a dead link

more dots
---------------------

more junks plus the names of someone else, a parents or a child and a mix of several different languages

-----------------------

Doesn't the previous post look extremely retarded?

Is that how profiles should be presented?

Private User,

I don't know what this has to do with humour, but i think that even worse is the proposal of the "About me cleanup" project to basically repeat all the information that is already visible, but to do that by retyping it by hand. (Full name, dates of birth and death, places of birth and death, list of relatives, etc).

I do sometimes add information from links, but rather than just htt www, i put one or two paragraphs from that link, that is most relevant to that person, and then a link to that page. This way somebody can assertain whether they would be interested in clicking on that link at the glance.

So, who knows, maybe profiles added by me annoy you, if so, please know that i'm doing my best to be as helpful as possible. I wish you all the best. And have a happy condom day and a happy day of the insane... and i have heard that there's a day of saint someone or other.

Yes, sometimes this is so ludicrous that it can be amusing to just open a profile, but I don't want it this way, so once in a while, I too usually sort some shit out, but as more and more profiles gets locked in their fields, this opportunity to make changes becomes lesser, so finally we get stuck with a bunch of profiles with the ugliest dysfunctional type of looks which barely gives any sense at all, but in a way, this is maybe just some kind of reflection of what I could expect to see if I really could peek into the brains of some of the persons who deliberately creates this, a giant unstructured mess. Am I mean or am I just right?

The retarded previous example, with more or less minor variations demonstrates what I often sees here, some is a result of several mergings, others seems to have been made in that way deliberately. It does exist guides here on Geni on how to make and display a profile nicely, but many seems to either not care, or just thinks that their methods are the most optimal ones, despite the fact that they obvious aren't journalist, writers, or have the slightest writing habit.

Reflection of age

1) I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.  
2) Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.   
3) You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.   
4) I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.  
5) I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.   
6) Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation. 
7) The biggest lie I tell myself is..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."  
8) Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.     
9) If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.  
10) Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.  
11) Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?  
12) Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice. 

I am a Seenager

(Senior teenager) I have what I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later:
• I don’t have to go to school or work.
• I get an allowance every month.
• I have my own pad.
• I don’t have a curfew.
• I have a driver’s license and my own car.
• I have ID that gets me into bars and the whisky store.
• The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.
• And I don’t have acne.  

GETTING OLDER 
   
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.   
 
"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"   
 
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her. 

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.." 

Being alone

You know you're alone when you start to talk to your plants like they're your kids.

You know that you're alone when you start to treat your bugs not with pesticides, but as your pets.

You know that you're alone when your favorite spot behind the window has been permanently scratched due to wiping off condensation.

You know that you're alone when you try to recall the names on the children you never had but would have given them if you had em.

You know that you're alone when you have to struggle to remember the birthdays dates for the children you actually have.

You know that you're alone when you in a very talkative mode to some complete stranger who just made a wrong call suddenly hear, I’m sorry, but my dog just threw up, and quickly hangs up.

You know that you're alone when you plan an appointment to the doctor just in order to see someone without being ill, which is also the same reason that you now have false teeth both top and bottom in your jaw.

You know that you're alone, when you realize that you actually experience waiting rooms as stimulating and queues pleasantly.

You know that you're alone if you have time making a list like this one.

About garbage in the wrong profiles, this one took me by surprise.

"The birth date range appears chronologically more consistent with her having been the daughter, rather than sister, of Mieszko, but this would be in direct contradiction to the sources quoted below. If she was Mieszko's sister, it is likely that they did not share the same mother, assuming that the estimated birth dates of Mieszko and Adelajda are both accurate.

The Annales Kamenzenses record that "Mesco…rex Polanorum…sororem…Atleydem" married "Iesse rex "ÁRPÁD(házi) Géza" Ungarie"[264]. The Breve chronicon Silesiæ names "Adilheidem" as sister of "primo dux Mesco", adding that she married "Jesse rex Ungarie"[265]. The Kronika Węgiersko-Polska records that "Iesse" married "sororem Meschonis ducis…Athleitam", adding that she was a Christian and converted her husband to Christianity."

1.
Atleydem, Adilheidem, Athleitam, yes, it's just variant spelling of one and the same name and all of the sources says she was a sister to Mesco, so let us just make her his daughter instead....

2.
And as usual, just put this text above in another profile, so that you will have to search for Adelajda, yes, a fourth spelling variant...

3.
So just skip thoose sources, we do. ( curators and profile manager et & )
http://fmg.ac/Projects/MedLands/HUNGARY.htm#_Toc146273208

4.
So what do we find in her actual profiles about me litter box, yes, you won't be disapointed,

" Probably a fictional figure. "

5.
And of course, instead of being the sister to Mieszko, she have no parents at all, and of course, the profile is locked, but since she's fictional, she don't need any parents anyway.

6.
Here's the sucker, I guess, because, there's no sources in her profile at all...
Princess Adelajda von Ungarn, of Poland

Mother's Day is rapidly approaching. I hope you will enjoy this tribute to Mothers.

JUST A MOM?



A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk’s office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

‘What I mean is,’ explained the recorder, ‘Do you have a job or are you just a...?’

‘Of course I have a job,’ snapped the woman. ‘I'm a Mom.’

‘We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, ‘housewife' covers it,’ said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself 
In the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.  

The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, ‘Official Interrogator’ or ‘Town Registrar.’ ‘What is your occupation?’ she probed.

What made me say it?  I do not know. The words simply popped out. ‘I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.’

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.  

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

‘Might I ask,’ said the clerk with new interest, 'just what you do in your field?’

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, ‘I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters).  Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.’

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.  Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern.  I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!  And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mom.'      

Motherhood!  
What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.
Does this make grandmothers 'Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations'
And great grandmothers Executive Senior Research Associates?'  
I think so!!!  
I also think it makes Aunts Associate Research Assistants.

Please send this to another Mom, Grandmother, Aunt, and other friends you know.

May your troubles be less,
Your blessing be more,
And nothing but happiness come through your door!   

AMEN!!

Well, working with my welsh forfathers I see where the idea of klingon came from...

G-E-N-E-A-L-O-G-Y

G - is for the gap in generations
E - for endless entries stand
N - names familiar from all nations
E - emits enhanced epochs from the clans
A - is for the accurate age of all relations
L - means lineage linking at its best
O - opposes apathy and all procrastination
G - gives Galahad gems we search with zest
Y - yields yester-years we view with admiration

Put them all together they spell Genealogy, a word that means enchantment plus to me - Maxine K.Bloser