Genealogy Humor

That is very interesting, Pat. Thanks for sharing!

The problem with trying to figure genealogy with mathematics is illustrated right here, with the assumption that every generation's pedigree has double the number of "ancestors" in the previous generation. Mathematically yes, the number doubles, but the actual number of PEOPLE does not.

Say for example, a couple has ten children, (historically a realistic presumption) and each child marries into a different family. Mathematics require that the previous generation in this family's pedigree contains two sets of parents for each of the ten couples, or 40 people. But all ten children already share one set of parents (two real people), so the actual number of people in the entire previous generation is only 22. If two brothers in this family married two sisters from another family that reduces the total count of actual people in the preceding generation to 20. And so on. In a community of only ten couples, with no one marrying outside the community, it's possible for their offspring to not have to marry second cousins or closer for a few generations, after which the whole question becomes moot.

"Mathematically we all have to be descended from Charlemagne" is an argument I've encountered several times. Perhaps we are, but the proof has to be in the sources, not deduced from a mathematical theory.

And if the ten brothers in one family marry the ten sisters in another, math says there should be 40 parents in the previous generation. Actually there would be only 4.

Then of course their kids have to worry about marrying second cousins.
Unless there's a neighboring couple of families not related to our two families.

Since there's no record of how many kids every family in the world ever had, there's no mathematical equation that works.

Definitions Of The Obvious (cont. - C & D)

* CAESAREAN SECTION: District in Rome.
* CANTALOUPE: Got to get married in Church.
* CARNATION: Country where everybody has a four wheeler.
* CARAMEL: A motorized camel!
* CAUTERIZE: Made eye contact with her.
* CHOOSY BLONDE: One for whom a Tom or a Harry won't do !
* CIRCUMVENT: The opening in the front of boxer shorts.
* CISTERN: Opposite of brothern.
* CLIMATE: The only thing you can do with a ladder.
* COFFEE: A person who is coughed upon.
* COINSIDE: What most people do when it rains.
* CONSCIENCE: The thing which hurts when everything else feels good.
* CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate.
* COUNTERFEITER: Worker who puts together kitchen cabinets.
* CROSS-EYED TEACHER: A teacher that loses control over her pupils.
* CROWBAR: Where birds can get a drink.
* DAMNATION: Beaver country.
* DANCE: Vertical expression of a horizontal idea.
* DARE: Not here.
* DEBUT: De part of the body you must park to be seated.
* DECAGON: De way you explain how your vehicle was a total washout in an accident.
* DECAY: De letter which comes after de J.
* DECLINE: Nudists in formation.
* DENTIST: A magician who puts metal into your mouth, and pulls coins out of your pocket.
* DEPTH: Height turned upside down.
* DILATE: To live long.
* DISGUISE: Such pains. Always troubling dismisses.
* DINOSAUR: How a giant lizard feels after a tough workout.
* DISNEYLAND: A people trap operated by a mouse.
* DOGMA: Affectionate parent of the little s.o.b.
* DOGMATIC: Run by canine power.
* DONKEY: Instrument to get you into the godfather's house

I was told this was the humor thread by Patricia Ann Scoggin.

Make with the jokes!!! =P

Any family stories which would make for good movies? I think I have a couple.

"She thought she had the best beer in town, but, Dionis Stevens would soon encounter a man who threatened her way of life.....SAMUEL ADAMS!"

CAESAREAN SECTION: District in Rome.
Well folks, I nearly lost my life during a Caesarean Section and I can tell you it wasn't in Rome. Long story made very short ...... I lived to tell the story!!!
You should hear some of the Australian slang.
Australia ... "Strayah"
I am going to do .... "Gunnado" - so someone who always says they are going to do something and never gets around to it is a "Gunnado" ---- to name two but then there's "Flat out like a lizard lapping" which is trying to move speedily but getting nowhere fast.

Hmmmmmmmmm...

Things to think about?

1. Do twins ever realize that one of them was unplanned?
2. What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?
3. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?
4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?
5. Maybe air is slowly killing you, but It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.
6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
7. The word "swims" upsidedown is still "swims".
8. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
9. Your future self is watching you right now through memories.
10. The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead.
11. Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.
12. If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.
13. If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, we'll just call it "2's Day". (It does fall on a Tuesday)

Things You Did Not Know
*A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
* A snail can sleep for three years.
* All polar bears are left-handed.
* American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
* Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
* An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
* Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
* Butterflies taste with their feet
* Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about 10.
* China has more English speakers than the United States.
* Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear any pants.
* Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
* February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
* If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
* Leonardo da Vinci invented the scissors.
* Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
*No word in the English language rhymes with month.
* Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
* Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
* Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
* Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
* Starfish haven't got brains.
* The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
* The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
* The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
* The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
[America, Antarctica, Africa, Europe, Asia, Australia]
* The name Wendy was made up for the book 'Peter Pan'.
* The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
* There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
* TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
* Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

And finally...


* You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.

Good lord the puns. Could be worse! I saw Erica Howton was joining the Manhattan project. Nukes for everyone!!

* Leonardo da Vinci invented the scissors.

and the time machine...

The earliest known scissors appeared in Mesopotamia 3,000 to 4,000 years ago.

Fact:
Leonardo da Vinci has often been credited with inventing scissors, but they predate his lifetime by many centuries.

Leonardo takes one trip in the Tardis and all of a sudden he thinks HE invented it. Show off.

So, the other day I found five New England Patriots.

They were Tom Brady, Gronkowski and three others. =P

How to take the long way around

James Franco, actor, Swedish great grandmother or something...But to find a path here on Geni I have to travel all over the world.

5. Marjorie J Peterson
10. Claus Fredolph Peterson
11. Martha Louise Rehn

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Franco
http://familypedia.wikia.com/wiki/James_Franco_(1978)
James Franco

James Franco is Ulf Martinsson's 54th cousin 7 times removed's wife's second great uncle's wife's second great nephew!

https://www.geni.com/path/Ulf-Martinsson+is+related+to+James-Franco...

It has been quite a long time (so long that it took time to find it!!!) since I last added humorous pix, but I found one that you all may laugh at... You may want to ck this site if you want some chuckles: https://www.geni.com/photo/album/6000000011574167594?album_id=60000... Geni Humor Project Pix

You can add appropriate genealogy related humorous pix, just follow the directions on the page for the project...

Have a great day & laugh a few times, it helps makes all troubles seem a little less stressful!!!

Actually this is where to go for pics: https://www.geni.com/projects/Picture-Board-for-Genealogy-Humor-Dis...
*** Click on “Photos & Documents” to get to “Photos & Documents for Picture Board for Genealogy Humor Discussion” There are over 200 pix there, so dust off your funny bone!!!

Pat

The 1st site will take you directly to the cartoons, the 2nd site will take you to the project page.

My daughter decided to converse with me on genealogy.
"Mum Nonny (my mother) and I are both RH negative blood types, its copper based, we are decended from Samarian Gods who breed with aliens, it skipped a generation, you are iron based blood and you are decended from apes.

She now wants to volenteer to translate ancient scripts, I fear for history :)
I also wonder how I can trace their ancestry now.

Sharyn, sounds like you have a budding genealogist & a challenge -- (ha, ha!) !!! Good luck in your search. By the way, how old is she???

Suggest to prick her finger and see if what comes out is blue or red :-)
(as detailed in https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hemocyanin there are molluscs that use copper for oxygen transport. Their blood is very, very blue.)
http://www.rhesusnegative.net/staynegative/blue-blood-rhesus-negati... for more detail.

She is 37 :(
She also started telling me Jesus has AB blood type, but I stopped her there because I dont think they found his remains yet lol

I did a mini lecture series in my local library about genealogy, and after the first lesson we had a person asking how i protect myself from some Brazilian scientists, who find personal information about people's genealogy and then steal their brains for some sort of "research" that they are doing.

My grand daughter (10 years) asked me why do you work with dead people all the time. I said because they were our ancestors. She said do you remember them all after they died such a long time ago.

My grandkids laughed at me for doing genealogy. Until I told them that Princess Diana was their 14th cousin, as they were descended from the Spencers too. Then they saw the PBS show about her ancestral home and said wow, we're descended from the folks who lived there. Why can't we go live there too.

Here are some more "Definitions of the Obvious". Hope you will laugh or at lease chuckle at some of these. Many are quite clever (& funny)!!! As a nurse, those medically related were priceless & resulted in a chuckle or laugh! I liked "Hanging" & "Inkling" also.

* ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living.
* ECONOMIST: A person who knows more about money than people who have it.
* EJACULATE (e-jac-u-late): Jill greeting her boyfriend and informing him he's been tardy again.
* ENEMA: Not a friend.
* EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
* FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
* FIBULA: A small lie.
* FICTION: The story told by a completed Income Tax Form
* FINITE: Sir Lancelot.
* FLATULENCE: The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
* FOBIA: The fear of misspelled words.
* FORUM: In favor of drinking Bacardi.
* GARGOYLE: An olive flavored mouthwash.
* GINGER ALE: A drink that feels like your foot when it goes to sleep.
* GOLD-DIGGER: A sweet young girl with the gift of the grab!
* HABITUATE: Disgusting Mannerisms.... Smoking for example.
* HANGING: A suspended sentence.
* HATCHET: What a hen does to an egg.
* HEROES: What a guy in a canoe does.
* HUMBUG: A singing cockroach.
* ILLEGAL: A sick bird.
* IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
* INFANTRY: A sapling.
* INFORMATION: How ducks are supposed to fly!
* INKLING: A baby fountain pen!
* INTENSE: Where campers sleep.
* JOKEY: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth.
* KIDNEY: Midpoint of a child's leg.

love it and what about boy who asked dad where they came from father replied god made the earth and then us boy came back and said but dad my mom said we came from apes and dad replied with chuckle oh that was your moms side of family not mine

Oh, ya!!! Ha, Ha!!!

I think the dentist uses a jockey

Love those baby fountain pens!

Tis the season... I know that not everyone celebrates Christmas & those who do, may not celebrate in the same way. Here is some food for thought. I will be sharing some other Christmas & holiday humor over the next few weeks. I hope others may also feel free to share some holiday humor also. Happy Holidays to all of my Geni cousins & friends who follow this discussion.

A CHRISTMAS ADVENTURE WITH GRANDMA!

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"

I fled to Grandma's house because I knew Grandma always told the truth.

Grandma was home, and I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus!" she snorted. "Ridiculous! Don't believe it. Now, put on your coat, and let's go."

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, it had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. “Take this money,” she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten- dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who to buy it for.

I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church. When I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out at recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough, and he didn't have a coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!

I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that. "Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes," I replied shyly. "It's... for Bobby." The nice lady smiled at me. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper and ribbons (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible). Then grandma wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on a card -- Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."

I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his doorbell and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.

I still have Grandma's Bible, with the tag tucked inside: $19.95.

To Do Today: Don’t just HAVE a great Christmas; MAKE a great Christmas for yourself and for others!!

And remember, "If you have no Christmas in your heart, you will never find Christmas under your tree".

My post is not primarily funny but it is about humour and heart-warming traditions.

I am not too old yet (40s), but I remember when Yule in Norway still had a living tradition of Julebukk.

During Yule; masked (usually drunk!) unknown people, representing the ancestors, came on your door and forced themselves inside, demanding food and strong drink or else... They would not leave before they were satisfied. Children would be terrified.

When during Yule you would put a bowl of porridge with sugar, cinnamon and a butter eye outside your door for the Nisse, the farm guardian, the farm ancestor... or else.. the cows, the horses, the sheep would suffer .. or you..

The aurora boraealis; that you should never wave a handkerchief at it or else.. they would come and take you with them. The northern lights were the old gods riding in the sky...

When you could guard yourself against these spirits in the Yuletide by putting a piece of steel or a knife under your bed or over your door...

In the last few 15-20 years after internet, this, at that time already a dying tradition, sadly has been replaced by a completely unrelated commercial tradition from english-speaking countries: Halloween. Halloween, or Samhain, seems to have many similarities with the Julebukk tradition, but we had this tradition during Christmas, not during harvest....

The darkest time of year. A time of feast and fear, hope and a new, better year, rituals, eating, drinking tradition. The lovely Primstav calendar.

I remember all of this from being a child in Sogn & Fjordane in the 70s and 80s... Old people playing the Harding fiddle for entertainment...

I lived in Iceland in the 90s and even though it is not a part of my native tradition in Norway I miss the icelandic jólasveinar; Grýla and Leppalúdir and their 13 mischievous children... really funny being in Reykjavík observing this in the 13 days before Christmas.. I hope they still do it.. Kertasnikir, stealing candles on his day.. Hurdaskellir, slamming doors on his day..

Don’t forget, and please keep the traditions alive :D

Lovely story, thank you for sharing.